Results 1 to 1 of 1

    • Join Date: Feb 2010
    • Posts: 5
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Talking I need help correcting my descriptive essay, "PLEASE!"

    I would really appreciated if you correct my description story "please!" I need help on grammar, punctuation, word choice, and no fragments. For instance, if have a subject + verb + complete thought on my sentences. Also if you have, I need your opinion if i need to be more descriptive in my essay. Thank you for helping learn from my own mistakes.

    The Hot Steamy Tamales
    Tamales are my favorite meal to eat because the deliciousness made my eyes sparkle and makes me smile. The tamales are so delicious that my dad and I woke up at one in the morning to go to Amapola. A groceries store in paramount has spectacular dough for the tamales. When we got there, an enormous line stretched about half a mile long to get inside the store for dough; I couldn’t believe it. Finally, during all that time standing in the long line waiting five hours in cold, we got inside the store. There were people everywhere, also trying to get supplies for the tamales grabbing what ever they can. I had to hurry to get the meat, chili, carrots bell pepper, cheese and corn husks for the tamales. My dad was getting the dough before they ran out. We always make two kinds of tamales. One of the tamales has chili sauce with shredded pork and the other has carrots, green bell pepper and cheese inside. I prefer the one that has chili sauce. I was happy when we were heading back home; and then sun was starting to rise. My mom started to boil the chucky pork meat, and then she started to make her luscious sauce. The kitchen was cluttered with a large bowl of dough on the table surround by corn husk. Also, on the table I saw chopped carrots, bell peppers, shredded cheese and the tool to flatten the dough. A gigantic pot for the tamales was sitting on a chair, close to the table ready for storing. The ventilating fans humming at full speed trying to keep the house cool. The house was so hot, but I did not care. The smelled of the delicious fragrance was so powerful the heat did not overwhelm me. After the meat finished cooking, so I helped my mom shred it into thin pieces. Then she started to prepare them. She got two pieces of husks overlapping of each other, puts a small ball of dough, and then smashes it. Then she puts on top the juice meat with chili sauce and places it on the pot. Later on when they were being cook, I smelled the aroma of the tamales sweeping into my room. Finally, Mama yells “Food is ready!” Everyone gathers around the pot ready to eat tamales. I got my tamales and saw the steam coming out. I sat down and began to un-wrap the husks; there it was luscious, fresh tamale. I took a bite; it felt magical like a piece of heaven in my mouth. Because it was so spectacular, I was happy. Therefore, tamales would be my magnificent meal to eat because nothing out there can beat the delicious flavor.
    Last edited by charli3; 12-Apr-2010 at 23:35.

Similar Threads

  1. Descriptive essay
    By onetwothree in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-Oct-2009, 18:14
  2. What is needed to write a good essay?
    By Lana_J in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 29-Mar-2009, 20:52
  3. Descriptive Essay help
    By Link24 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-Sep-2007, 23:07
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 14-Dec-2005, 07:09
  5. college descriptive essay
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-Apr-2005, 02:53

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •