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Thread: My son

  1. #1
    gauri_agr is offline Member
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    Default My son

    Hi All,

    Please let me know the grammar and good sentence structure in the following passage

    -----------------

    One day I realized that I am able to talk uninterruptedly to my husband after his returning from his work. Otherwise my six year old son does not let us talk even for a minute. He keeps asking so many questions while we converge. I surprisingly looked for him everywhere. He was hidden in a walking closet and playing some game on my husbandís mobile. I was shocked that he was less interested to have his dad home after work rather he wanted him home to play on his mobile. Where will be the bondage then between them?

    ------------------------------

  2. #2
    Lady Hawk is offline Member
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    Default Re: My son

    Quote Originally Posted by gauri_agr View Post
    Hi All,

    Please let me know the grammar and good sentence structure in the following passage

    -----------------

    One day I realized that I am able to talk uninterruptedly to my husband after his returning from his work. Otherwise my six year old son does not let us talk even for a minute. He keeps asking so many questions while we converge. I surprisingly looked for him everywhere. He was hidden in a walking closet and playing some game on my husbandís mobile. I was shocked that he was less interested to have his dad home after work rather he wanted him home to play on his mobile. Where will be the bondage then between them?

    ------------------------------
    1. ....I am not able to speak to my husband without my 6 year old son constantly interrupting. I cannot get a "word in edge wise" without his asking so many questions.

    To my husband/with my husband
    Otherwise/Most of the time,


    2. Converge is not something we use for person to person interaction; it's more like traffic, or lines

    3. There must be some transition from our first two sentences to "I surprisingly looked for him everywhere." Although, it is understood that you are speaking about your son, the line seems to pop up from nowhere.

    4. Walking closet/walk-in closet

    5. after work,

    6. bondage/bonding

    Hope this will be of some help to you!

  3. #3
    gauri_agr is offline Member
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    Default Re: My son

    thanks a lot Lady Hawk for your comments. Every correction is helping me to improve..Here is the improved version. Could you please again look at it


    One day I realized that I was able to talk uninterruptedly to my husband after his returning from his work. Most of the time, it is so hard to speak to my husband without my 6 year old son constantly interrupting. I cannot get a "word in edge wise" without his asking so many questions. After completing my talking with my husband, the first thing I had in my mind is to check my son for what he was busy with. I looked for him every where and was shocked to find him in a walk-in closet and playing a game on my husband’s mobile. He was less interested to have his dad home after work; rather he wanted him home to play on his mobile. Where will be the bonding then between them?


    Warm Regards
    Gauri
    Last edited by gauri_agr; 14-Apr-2010 at 03:51. Reason: forgot the corrected passage

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