[Essay] IELTS essay, letter. Please, please comment on it.

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rashidjon

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Joined
Apr 5, 2010
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Student or Learner
There is advertisement for a course designed to help improve your memory.
Write a letter to the organizers of the course. In the letter
• Give some background information about yourself
• Explain your own problems and why you would like to do the course
• Inquire about the methods used on the course
• Enquire about course fees and dates

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in relation with your advertisement published today on Sunday Times. My name is James John. I am 34 years old and work for the local radio as a newscaster. My work requires me to follow all current events, pick up interesting stories and retell that story to our listeners. Everyday I deal with huge amount of information and have to keep my eye on everything what is going on around us. For that reason one should have really good memory.

Fortunately my memory is good, but recently I have realized that it is difficult for me to remember short information or story which I read minutes ago. Before I used to read one page of information and could easily retell it after 20 or 30 minutes. But now if even I read small text I immediately forget the beginning. I tried some techniques to improve my memory myself, but it seems does not work.

I would be happy if taking your course helps me a lot and for that reason I would like to get some basic information about taught course. What kind of methods and learning styles you use? Besides I would like to know about dates. What days in a week courses are run and is there any evening courses? Moreover, I would appreciate if you send me information about fees and methods of payment.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you very much,

Best regards, James John.
 

emsr2d2

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Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
There is advertisement for a course designed to help improve your memory.
Write a letter to the organizers of the course. In the letter
• Give some background information about yourself
• Explain your own problems and why you would like to do the course
• Inquire about the methods used on the course
• Enquire about course fees and dates

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in relation [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] to your advertisement published today in the Sunday Times. My name is James John. I am 34 years old and work for the local radio station as a newscaster. My work requires me to follow all current events, pick up interesting stories and retell [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] those stories to our listeners. Every day I deal with a huge amount of information and have to keep my eye on everything [STRIKE]what[/STRIKE] that is going on around us. For that reason [STRIKE]one[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]should[/STRIKE] would like to have a really good memory.

Fortunately my memory is good, but recently I have realized that it is difficult for me to remember [STRIKE]short[/STRIKE] small pieces of information or stories which I read only minutes [STRIKE]ago[/STRIKE] earlier. [STRIKE]Before[/STRIKE] In the past, I used to be able to read one page of information and could easily retell it after 20 or 30 minutes. But now if I read even[STRIKE]small[/STRIKE] a short text I immediately forget the beginning. I tried some techniques to improve my memory myself, but [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] they do not seem to have worked [STRIKE]seems does not work.[/STRIKE]

I would be happy if [STRIKE]taking[/STRIKE] your course could help[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] me[STRIKE] a lot [/STRIKE]and for that reason I would like to get some basic information about [STRIKE]taught[/STRIKE] the course. What kind of methods and learning styles do you use? [STRIKE]Besides[/STRIKE] Also, I would like to know about dates. [STRIKE]What[/STRIKE] On which days [STRIKE]in a[/STRIKE] of the week do the courses [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] run and is there an[STRIKE]y[/STRIKE] evening course[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE]? Moreover, I would appreciate it if you would send me information about fees and methods of payment.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you very much.

Best regards,

James John.

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