Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    40
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default HELP to Correct Grammar Mistakes (Thank you in advance)

    The Family in Exile: Loyalist Social Values after the Revolution

    Arguments:Loyalists were loyal to the British King either because they were scared of what would have happen to them if they decided to follow American rules.

    Main Points: Loyalists were British North American colonists who remained loyal to the King of England during and after the American Revolutionary. The author Ann Gorman Condon uses family personal letters to describe the loyalist families. The first letter was from Massachusetts, Boston, Loyalist Edward Winslow to his wife Mary. In 1784, he was in Halifax looking for a job and wrote to his wife. In the letter he talked about his feelings for her and fashionable ladies of Halifax. In addition to, in 1799, Beverley Robinson, heard that Nancy was lacking of confidence with her look. As a result, he decided to write her a letter. He explained in the letter that he loves her for who she is and not the appearance. Her last example was a 47 year old bachelor Jonathan Bliss, who married a young wife, Mary Worthngton. Both had showed that how much they loved each other. Beside that Bliss was happier because he was free from the loneliness life. Sadly after spending time together and their four children, Mary died when giving birth to their fifth child. Bliss would always remember her for making him the “happiest man” in New Brunswick. As a result, men, women, and the children in the Loyalist families showed their love and care to each other after the Revolution.


    Evidence: Most of the loyalist marriages in the loyalist families have lasted very long during that time.

    Assessment: Overall, It is fascinating story. Also, no matter how much struggle they faced during the Revolution, but they kept family relations close.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    23,796
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: HELP to Correct Grammar Mistakes (Thank you in advance)

    Quote Originally Posted by lindalinda1228 View Post
    The Family in Exile: Loyalist Social Values after the Revolution

    Arguments:
    Loyalists were loyal to the British King either because they were scared of what would have happen to them if they decided to follow American rules.
    You have used either but have then only given one possibility. If you have "either", then you must have "or" as well. So they were loyal "either because they were scared......OR........(some other reason).

    Main Points: Loyalists were British North American colonists who remained loyal to the King of England during and after the American Revolutionary
    . The author Ann Gorman Condon uses family personal personal family letters to describe the loyalist families. The first letter was from Boston, Massachussets, from Loyalist Edward Winslow to his wife Mary. In 1784, he was in Halifax looking for a job and wrote to his wife. In the letter he talked about his feelings for her and about the fashionable ladies of Halifax. In addition to, in 1799, Beverley Robinson, heard that Nancy was lacking in confidence with about her looks. As a result, he decided to write her a letter. He explained in the letter that he loves her for who she is and not the for her appearance. Her last example was a 47 year old bachelor Jonathan Bliss, who married a young wife woman, Mary Worthngton. Both had showed shown that how much they loved each other. Beside that Bliss was happy because he was free from the his lonely life. Sadly, after spending time some years together and their having had four children, Mary died when while giving birth to their fifth child. Bliss would always remember her for making him the “happiest man” in New Brunswick. As a result (*as a result of what?), men, women, and the children in the Loyalist families showed their love and care to for each other after the Revolution.

    Evidence:
    Most of the loyalist marriages in the loyalist families have lasted very a long time during that period.

    Assessment:
    Overall, It is fascinating story. Also, no matter how much struggle they faced during the Revolution, butthey kept family relations close, family relationships remained close.


    My suggestions are marked in red.

Similar Threads

  1. Please correct the email ( grammar)
    By ghgh in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 22-Aug-2009, 17:18
  2. Need Help to Correct Grammar mistakes
    By lindalinda1228 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 27-Jul-2009, 08:31
  3. correct mistakes
    By san2612 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 29-Jun-2009, 17:02
  4. [Essay] correct the mistakes
    By san2612 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 17-Jun-2009, 08:01
  5. Please help me to correct the mistakes:
    By san2612 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 15-Jun-2009, 12:53

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •