Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    alpha_1258 is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    7
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default My last summer holiday

    Last summer, I and my group spent our holiday at Vung Tau Beach. This is one of beautiful beaches in Viet Nam. It took two hours to take there.
    We concentrated in bus station. At 5 A.M we started our trip by bus. Although I feel tired after two long hours but sea air made me re-excited.
    Gradually, Bien Dong was in font of us. Bien Dong length 750 m with beautiful sea and form of entertainment is multiform.
    We arrange our bags and after that we quickly swum in blue sea. The weather was very nice. The golden light spread in white sand. Tiny waves crashing onto the beach. It is suitable for swimming. After swimming, we started to build sandcastles, listened the sound of the waves, felt the salted taste of sea and enjoyed some special foods.
    In the afternoon, we rode around on the road from back of the beach to font of the beach by double- bicycles. That was a wonderful sight. One sight is sea, the others is mountain. It really made me forget everything to relax. And then, we decided climb to Tao Phung mountain. Sightseeing is as beautiful as the other places. So we took many photograph. Standing Godís shoulder is great. We can saw mountain, houses and wide sea. When we climb down the mountain, we bought some souvenir for our friends.
    A day go by so fast. I wanted to stay there longer but we had to come back to work the day after. The trip was short but it had a strong impression on me and I had many memories with my friends. We come back Bien Hoa city and felt comfortable after a good holiday.
    Please help me correct this essay.Thanks

  2. #2
    IHIVG's Avatar
    IHIVG is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    354
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My last summer holiday

    `
    Quote Originally Posted by alpha_1258 View Post
    Last summer, I and my group (my group and I) spent our holiday on the Vung Tau Beach. This is one of the beautiful beaches in Viet Nam. It took us two hours to take get there.
    We concentrated at a bus station. At 5 A.M. (no capitalization -- a.m.) we started our trip by bus. Although I feel felt tired after two long hours, the sea air made me re-excited. (Iím not sure if this is the right wording, I would just say, Ďmade me excited againí.)
    Gradually (finally?), Bien Dong (Since itís the first time you mention this name here itís better to say what the Bien Dong actually is.) was in front of us. The Bien Dongís length is 750 m. with beautiful sea and form of entertainment is multiform. (Start a new sentence after m )
    We arranged our bags and after that we quickly swum in the blue sea. The weather was very nice. The golden light was spreading on in the white sand. The tiny waves were crashing onto the beach. It is suitable for swimming. (What is suitable? The waves, the sea...?) After swimming, we started to build sandcastles, listened to the sounds of the waves, felt the salted taste of the sea and enjoyed some special foods.
    In the afternoon, we rode around on the road from the back of the beach to the front of the beach by double-bicycles. That There was a wonderful sight: the sea on one side and the mountains on the other. One sight is sea, the others is mountain. It really made me forget everything to and relax. And then, we decided to climb to the Tao Phung mountain. Sightseeing is as beautiful as the other places. (Iím not sure what this follows on from) So we took many photographs. The Standing Godís shoulder is great. We can saw could see the mountains, houses and the wide sea. When we were climbing down the mountain, we bought some souvenirs for our friends.
    A The day go went by so fast. I wanted to stay there longer but we had to come back to work the day after. (the next day) The trip was short but it had a strong impression on me. and I had many memories with my friends My friends and I have many memories of that day. We come came back to Bien Hoa city and felt comfortable after a good holiday.

  3. #3
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    2,130
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My last summer holiday

    I'd like to make a few suggestions:

    We concentrated (1) at a bus station. At 5 a.m. we started our trip by bus. Although I feel felt tired after two long hours, the sea air made me re-excited.(2)
    (1) I am not sure about the word 'concentrated' used in the context. I suggest 'met'.

    (2) made me feel 'rejuvenated'.

    The trip was short but it had a strong impression(3) on me.
    (3) left a strong/lasting impression on me

    (4) double-bicycle is called a tandem bicycle
    Last edited by tedtmc; 23-Apr-2010 at 11:14.

  4. #4
    alpha_1258 is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    7
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My last summer holiday

    Thanks IHIVG and Tedtmc very much. when i finished my essay, i can't find the mistake. So thanks to correct the fault.

  5. #5
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    2,130
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My last summer holiday

    You are welcome.

    When i finished my essay, i can't could not find the any more mistake in it. So thanks to correct the fault for correcting my essay.
    Last edited by tedtmc; 25-Apr-2010 at 11:07.

  6. #6
    Johny123 is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    6
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My last summer holiday

    Traveling with friends is really a pleasant experience. You can really enjoy as well & also cut down the expenses as well. Because you can get accommodation in hostel or can also share rooms as well. We had also a tour of beach as well & we got accommodation from Hank Fried in a hostel at very cheap rates. Thus in this way we reduced our traveling cost, & after that we enhanced our stay there.

Similar Threads

  1. [Essay] My summer holiday (Please correct!)
    By hai_lua_t2 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 16-Nov-2009, 03:08
  2. Summer VS THE summer
    By popio in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 15-Sep-2009, 15:47
  3. for the summer // during the summer
    By Daruma in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-Jun-2009, 08:29
  4. an ideal holiday
    By Unregistered in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 03-May-2008, 12:20

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •