My last summer holiday

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alpha_1258

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Last summer, I and my group spent our holiday at Vung Tau Beach. This is one of beautiful beaches in Viet Nam. It took two hours to take there.
We concentrated in bus station. At 5 A.M we started our trip by bus. Although I feel tired after two long hours but sea air made me re-excited.
Gradually, Bien Dong was in font of us. Bien Dong length 750 m with beautiful sea and form of entertainment is multiform.
We arrange our bags and after that we quickly swum in blue sea. The weather was very nice. The golden light spread in white sand. Tiny waves crashing onto the beach. It is suitable for swimming. After swimming, we started to build sandcastles, listened the sound of the waves, felt the salted taste of sea and enjoyed some special foods.
In the afternoon, we rode around on the road from back of the beach to font of the beach by double- bicycles. That was a wonderful sight. One sight is sea, the others is mountain. It really made me forget everything to relax. And then, we decided climb to Tao Phung mountain. Sightseeing is as beautiful as the other places. So we took many photograph. Standing God’s shoulder is great. We can saw mountain, houses and wide sea. When we climb down the mountain, we bought some souvenir for our friends.
A day go by so fast. I wanted to stay there longer but we had to come back to work the day after. The trip was short but it had a strong impression on me and I had many memories with my friends. We come back Bien Hoa city and felt comfortable after a good holiday.
Please help me correct this essay.Thanks
 

IHIVG

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Last summer, I and my group (my group and I) spent our holiday on the Vung Tau Beach. This is one of the beautiful beaches in Viet Nam. It took us two hours to [STRIKE]take[/STRIKE] get there.
We concentrated at a bus station. At 5 A.M. (no capitalization -- a.m.) we started our trip by bus. Although I [STRIKE]feel[/STRIKE] felt tired after two long hours, the sea air made me re-excited. (I’m not sure if this is the right wording, I would just say, ‘made me excited again’.)
Gradually (finally?), Bien Dong (Since it’s the first time you mention this name here it’s better to say what the Bien Dong actually is.) was in front of us. The Bien Dong’s length is 750 m. with beautiful sea and form of entertainment is multiform. (Start a new sentence after m )
We arranged our bags and after that we [STRIKE]quickly[/STRIKE] swum in the blue sea. The weather was very nice. The golden light was spreading on [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] the white sand. The tiny waves were crashing onto the beach. It is suitable for swimming. (What is suitable? The waves, the sea...?) After swimming, we started to build sandcastles, listened to the sounds of the waves, felt the salted taste of the sea and enjoyed some special foods.
In the afternoon, we rode around on the road from the back [STRIKE]of the beach[/STRIKE] to the front of the beach by double-bicycles. [STRIKE]That[/STRIKE] There was a wonderful sight: the sea on one side and the mountains on the other.[STRIKE] One sight is sea, the others is mountain.[/STRIKE] It really made me forget everything [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] and relax. And then, we decided to climb [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] the Tao Phung mountain. Sightseeing is as beautiful as the other places. (I’m not sure what this follows on from) So we took many photographs. The Standing God’s shoulder is great. We [STRIKE]can saw[/STRIKE] could see the mountains, houses and the wide sea. When we were climbing down the mountain, we bought some souvenirs for our friends.
[STRIKE]A[/STRIKE] The day [STRIKE]go[/STRIKE] went by so fast. I wanted to stay there longer but we had to come back to work the day after. (the next day) The trip was short but it had a strong impression on me. [STRIKE] and I had many memories with my friends [/STRIKE] My friends and I have many memories of that day. We [STRIKE]come[/STRIKE] came back to Bien Hoa city and felt comfortable after a good holiday.
 

tedtmc

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I'd like to make a few suggestions:

We concentrated (1) at a bus station. At 5 a.m. we started our trip by bus. Although I feel felt tired after two long hours, the sea air made me re-excited.(2)
(1) I am not sure about the word 'concentrated' used in the context. I suggest 'met'.

(2) made me feel 'rejuvenated'.

The trip was short but it had a strong impression(3) on me.

(3) left a strong/lasting impression on me

(4) double-bicycle is called a tandem bicycle
 
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alpha_1258

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Thanks IHIVG and Tedtmc very much. when i finished my essay, i can't find the mistake. So thanks to correct the fault.:fadein::fadein:
 

tedtmc

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You are welcome.

When i finished my essay, i [STRIKE]can't [/STRIKE]could not find [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] any more mistake in it. So thanks [STRIKE]to correct the fault[/STRIKE] for correcting my essay.
 
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Johny123

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Traveling with friends is really a pleasant experience. You can really enjoy as well & also cut down the expenses as well. Because you can get accommodation in hostel or can also share rooms as well. We had also a tour of beach as well & we got accommodation from Hank Fried in a hostel at very cheap rates. Thus in this way we reduced our traveling cost, & after that we enhanced our stay there.
 
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