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    • Join Date: Apr 2010
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    #1

    Please check and rate my essay

    Hello,everybody. Teachers thanks for helping ! This forum is very useful for students like me .
    Please , check and rate my essay. Currently, i am preparing for IELTS exam and i need help.
    Thanks again.
    M.

    ''The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree this statement? Give reasons for your answer. ''

    Here is my essay.

    The main function of mass media is the giving appropriate and true news to people from all over the world. Moreover, it plays a huge role in human culture activities. However, many magazines write and publish distorted information in order to sell their newspapers and increase their reputation.
    From human childhood TV, radio and books play a significance role in developing our minds and expressing our imagination. I believe that popularization of mass media has more advantages than disadvantages. Firstly, the one of great importance is helping men to develop their own minds and creations. Furthermore, book and radio help to learn something new about world, other culture and traditions and foreign languages .I think TV is a great opportunity in shaping your mind, because there are things that you donít know and it will help you in improving your thoughts. Secondly, the popular TV shows and programs encourage people to be active in social life and actively advance opinions. Unfortunately, there are also the big problems occurring with wide population of films, where actors use jargon and obscene words. In addition, the advertising of violence, smoking, drinking, drug abuse and sex are impropriate. These scenes are awfully harmful for young generation developing characters. I suggest use the mass media opportunities just in positive things and donít let children to watch such films and serials.
    Overall, I believe that Global increasing of mass media is very necessary in our hard world to keep in touch with other countries and inform people about everyday events. Besides, nowadays it is a unique link in developing our minds thereby helping grow in our social position.
    Is it good enough?


    • Join Date: Apr 2010
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    #2

    Re: Please check and rate my essay

    Can anybody check my essay ?
    Please

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    #3

    Re: Please check and rate my essay

    Some suggested revisions. Compare.
    The main function of mass media is to give appropriate and factual news to people from all over the world. Moreover, the media plays a huge role in cultural activities. However, many magazines publish distorted information in order to sell their newspapers and iimprove their reputation and profit.

    TV, radio and books play a significant role in developing the minds of children and their imagination. I believe that popularization of mass media has more advantages than disadvantages. First, one of great importance is to help man develop their own minds and creations. Furthermore, the print media and radio help us learn something new about world, other cultures and traditions and foreign languages. I think TV is a great opportunity to shape the mind, because there are many things that we have yet to learn and it will help in improving our knowledge. Secondly, the popular TV shows and programs encourage people to be active in social life and actively advance their opinions.

    Unfortunately, there are also problems occurring with wide distribution of films, where actors use jargon and obscene language. In addition, the display of violence, smoking, drinking, drug abuse and sex are widespread. These scenes are harmful for the young generation and development of their character. I suggest using mass media for other more wholesome and positive things and to prohibit children from watching such films and serials.

    Overall, I believe that the global increase of mass media if managed properly is very necessary in our hard world to keep in touch with other countries and inform people about everyday events. Besides, nowadays it is a unique link in developing our minds and thereby helping grow in our social position.


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    #4

    Re: Please check and rate my essay

    Thank you very much!!

  1. Unwritten's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please check and rate my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Mimi_me View Post
    Hello,everybody. Teachers thanks for helping ! This forum is very useful for students like me .
    Please , check and rate my essay. Currently, i am preparing for IELTS exam and i need help.
    Thanks again.
    M.

    ''The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree this statement? Give reasons for your answer. ''

    Here is my essay.

    The main function of mass media is to give appropriate and trusty news to people from all over the world. Moreover, it plays a huge role in human culture activities. However, many magazines write and publish distorted information in order to market their newspapers and increase their reputation.
    From human childhood TV, radio and books play a significant role in developing our minds and expressing our imagination. I believe that popularization of mass media has more advantages than disadvantages. Firstly, the one of great importance is helping men to develop their own minds and creations. Furthermore, books and radios help to learn new facts about the world, about other cultures, traditions and foreign languages .I think that TV is a great opportunity in shaping your mind, because there are things that you donít know and it will help you to improve your thoughts. Secondly, the popular TV shows and programs encourage people to be active in social life and actively advanced opinions. Unfortunately, there are also big problems occurring with wide population of films, where actors use jargon and obscene words. In addition, the advertising of violence, smoking, drinking, drug abuse and sex are impropriate. These scenes are awfully harmful for young generation developing characters. I suggest to use the mass media opportunities in positive ways and not let children watch such films and serials.
    Overall, I believe that Global increasing of mass media is very necessary in our hard world to keep in touch with other countries and inform people about everyday events. Besides, nowadays it is a unique link in developing our minds thereby helping grow in our social position.
    Is it good enough?

    I have corrected it.
    The words (or letters) in red are some modifications, I ommited some words.
    It`s a good article but I think U need to discuss it more profoundly.
    Good Luck!

    .
    .

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