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  1. #1
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    Default ESSAY REVISING & EDITING HELP AS SOON AS POSIBLE

    Benefits of Staying in School
    Can anyone say anything in school is not beneficial? No one say that. Education is very important in todayís life; it need almost everywhere in every skill. The important benefits of staying in school are career development and helping in routine daily life.
    One important benefit of staying in school is career development. The fact that student are building a career for the rest of their life is main reason for staying in school. When they are in school, they get knowledge of math, reading, writing and other technical skills. That improves their chance while they are getting lucrative job. Students can have greater possibility of earning high salary and comfortable job. The job field has always remained requirement for graduation from school. During school education students should create strong connection with their teacher to give their selves an advantage when begging to find jobs. They can write down teacherís name as reference, it is an advantage.
    Second important benefit of staying in school is in our routine daily life. We can communicate in culture activities, social gathering, and meeting others at public places. School connects with people from different communities and country. We can communicate in a better way with the foreign people. Either we visit stores, schools, hotels, government office or hospitals; we will be able to present ourselves perfectly and properly if we have knowledge. We can live happy and longer life. For example, one of my uncles is a business man. He had heart attack. He had good job so he had money. He took treatment and did bypass surgery. He is still alive and lives his happy life.
    In conclusion we can say that there are lots of benefits of staying in school which we canít even calculate. Career development helps to build our bright future and also helping us in our daily routine life in different ways which are two main benefits of staying in school. I will say who dropout school will be a big foolish one.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: ESSAY REVISING & EDITING HELP AS SOON AS POSIBLE

    Quote Originally Posted by sandy4 View Post
    Benefits of Staying in School
    Can anyone say anything in school is not beneficial? No one can say that.
    (That's a gross over-exaggeration. Being bashed up by bullies every lunch hour and humiliated by insecure teachers is not beneficial. One could also mention some of the religious propaganda that is taught in schools, which in some cases is quite dangerous.)
    Education is very important in today’s life; it is needed almost everywhere in every skill. The important benefits of staying in school are career development and helping in routine daily life.

    One important benefit of staying in school is career development. [You just said that]
    The fact that students are building a career for the rest of their life is the main reason for staying in school. When they are in school, students get [gain] knowledge of math, reading, writing and other technical skills. That improves their chance
    while they of are getting a lucrative job. Students can have a greater possibility of earning a high salary and a comfortable job. The job field has always remained requirement for graduation from school. No, it's the other way round.
    "The job market has always been more open to those who have graduated from school.
    "
    During school education, students should create a strong connection with their teacher to give themselves an advantage when beginning [?] to find jobs. They can write down their teacher’s name as a reference. That is an advantage.

    The second important benefit of staying in school is in our routine daily life. We can communicate in cultural activities, social gatherings, and meeting others at public places. School connects students [?] with other people from different communities and countries. We can communicate in a better way with the foreign people. Either If/when we visit stores, schools, hotels, government offices or hospitals, we will be able to present ourselves perfectly and properly if we have the appropriate knowledge. We can live happily and enjoy a longer life. For example, one of my uncles is a business man. He had heart attack. He had a good job so he had money. He took received treatment and did had bypass surgery. He is still alive and lives his a happy life.
    In conclusion we can say that there are lots of benefits of staying in school which we can’t even calculate. Career development helps to build our bright future and also helps us in our daily routine life in different ways which are two main benefits of staying in school. I will say that those who drop out of school are fools.
    [I would say that those who choose to drop out of school are making a foolish decision.]


    Again, an unnecessarily strong opening statement which is beside the point.
    Your argument is about how staying at school is beneficial - not about how there is nothing non-beneficial in schools.


    You need to work on your articles, especially 'a'.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: ESSAY REVISING & EDITING HELP AS SOON AS POSIBLE

    thank you so much

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