Could you please correct my motivational essay?

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Marikosan

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Joined
Apr 28, 2010
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Student or Learner
This is my first time writing a motivational essay and I want to be sure it is well written. It is for an application. Could you give me some piece of advice? Thanks a bunch.





„ Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work" said Bette Davis. I could not agree more on this point. Unless you try to climb out of confort zones and to fulfill your dreams you will certainly waste your life. I can see people going to work daily without any pleasure, without any joy and without being passionate at all of what they do. And probably the worst thing is that they they are slowly becoming robots, simple machines because at one very moment they could not keep up with their ambitions and ideals. In my opinion, you must do what you like in order to be happy and in order to have a real motivation. That is why I decided to be different and to dare to give myself a chance by studying abroad the subjects that I like. I had chosen to study abroad at your university for various reasons.


Firstly, I have always been interested in foreign languages; more precisely in Asian languages and I know that this is what I want to do in my near future. I have a strong desire to learn everything that has to do with Asia, starting from the cultural richness to the differences in behaviour, opinions, religions and customs to literature, poetry, films, TV programs, music or some other aspects of the culture.


Another important aspect of which I chose to learn foreign languages is because I love to do it. Learning languages to me is much more than making myself able to communicate with others. To me it is like getting some nice new surprise and a whole new level of understanding. And what is the best way to learn about all those things? By learning the language, of course. I must specify that I would like studying Chinese and Japanese. I am also interested in the linguistic aspects of these particular languages, that is why I decided to learn them in order to understand them better .



Furthermore, I have an advantage as I followed a course in Japanese 2 years ago . Moreover, I had been able to learn the basic skills and I managed to pass the Level 4 of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (Nihongo Nōryoku Shiken) held in December 2008. As Japanese takes its kanji writing system from the Chinese system of ideographs and the concepts underlying Chinese and Japanese languages are similar I would defintively understand better the correlation between those two languages.



Besides this, I find that being able to communicate in a less usual language would represent an advantage regarding my future job. As Japan and China are continually growing importance there would not be absolutely no risk of unemployment.



Finally, I want to learn and to share new ideas and perspectives and to expand my worldview by having the chance to study in a multicultural background.


For the above mentionated reasons, I feel I am suitable for the study of these subjects and for creating the prospects of a successful career in Chinese and Japanese. I strongly believe that my future depends on being or not accepted at your university. I belive in my own strengths and I am ready to work hard in order to prove my motivation.
 

tedtmc

Key Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Malaysia
This is my first time writing a motivational essay and I want to be sure it is well written. It is for an application. Could you give me some piece of advice? Thanks a bunch.





„ Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work" said Bette Davis. I could not agree more on this point. Unless you try to climb out of confort comfort zones and [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] fulfill your dreams, you will certainly waste your life. I can see people going to work daily without any pleasure, without any joy and without being passionate at all of about what they do. And probably the worst thing is that they [STRIKE]they[/STRIKE] are slowly becoming robots, simple machines because at one very moment they could not keep up with their ambitions and ideals. In my opinion, you must do what you like in order to be happy and in order to have[STRIKE] a[/STRIKE] real motivation. That is why I decided to be different and [STRIKE]to [/STRIKE]dare to give myself a chance by studying abroad the subjects that I like. I had chosen to study abroad at your university for various reasons.


Firstly, I have always been interested in foreign languages; more precisely in Asian languages and I know that this is what I want to do in my near future. I have a strong desire to learn everything that has to do with Asia, starting from the cultural richness to the differences in behaviour, opinions, religions and customs to literature, poetry, films, TV programs, music or some and other aspects of the culture.


Another important aspect [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] which I choose to learn foreign languages is[STRIKE] because [/STRIKE] that I love to do it. Learning languages to me is much more than making myself able to communicate with others. To me, it is like getting some nice new surprise and a whole new level of understanding. And what is the best way to learn about all those things? By learning the language, of course. I must specify that I would like studying Chinese and Japanese. I am also interested in the linguistic aspects of these particular languages, that is why I decided to learn them in order to understand them better .



Furthermore, I have an advantage as I followed a course in Japanese 2 two years ago . Moreover, I had been able to learn the basic skills and I managed to pass the Level 4 of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (Nihongo Nōryoku Shiken) held in December 2008. As Japanese takes its kanji writing system from the Chinese system of ideographs and the concepts underlying Chinese and Japanese languages are similar I would defintively definitely understand better the correlation between those two languages.



Besides this, I find that being able to communicate in a less usual common language would represent an advantage regarding when it comes to my future job. As Japan and China are continually growing in importance there would [STRIKE]not[/STRIKE] be absolutely no risk of unemployment.



Finally, I want to learn and [STRIKE] to [/STRIKE]share new ideas and perspectives and to expand my worldview by having the chance to study in a multi-cultural background.


For
From the above mentionated reasons, I feel I am suitable for the study of these subjects and for creating the prospects of which would contribute to a successful career in based on Chinese and Japanese. I strongly believe that my future depends on being [STRIKE]or not[/STRIKE] accepted at your university. I believe in my own strengths and I am ready to work hard in order to prove my motivation that I am motivated.
.
 
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