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  1. #1
    zahrani3480 is offline Newbie
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    Default Sitting at the computer

    I would like someone to correct my essay, please. Soon I am going to sit for the TOEFL exam. Thanks.

    Sitting at the computer long hours is harmful. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
    I agree that sitting at the computer for long hours is harmful for a variety of reasons. Sitting for long time in front the computer without moving would hurt all of the body joints. Moreover, most people do not realize the resulting damages from sitting long time in front of the computer.
    Computer technology is considered to be new and people do not realize the side effects of sitting at the computer for working or surfing the internet for a long time. Most of computer users are suffering from pain in their back, neck and arms. The computer user would put his hands on the keyboard and starts typing or browsing the internet from one website to another, after one or two hours setting in one position that would result in feeling a pain in his joints. I would like to approve my point by citing Microsoft Company‘s statement that is written beneath the keyboard warning from sitting in front of the computer for a long time. Moreover, the display of the computer emits a radiation that could harm the eyes of browser if he exposes to that radiation for a long time. Browsing the internet without goals is considered to be a wasting time, because a browser will be seduced by fancy websites and he will not realize that he spends all of that time browsing the internet. In addition, the browser will be in full concentration and will burn his energy while he is sitting in front of the computer which in turn will prompt him to eat more and that will lead to obesity.
    Based on facts above, I agree that sitting at the computer for long hours is harmful due to joints pain, display’s radiation and wasting time and energy. Furthermore, the obesity results from lack of movement.

  2. #2
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    Unwritten is offline Member
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    Default Re: Sitting at the computer

    Quote Originally Posted by zahrani3480 View Post
    I would like someone to correct my essay, please. Soon I am going to sit for the TOEFL exam. Thanks.

    Sitting at the computer long hours is harmful. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

    I agree that sitting at the computer for long hours is harmful for a variety of reasons. Sitting for long time in front of the computer without moving would hurt all of the body joints. Moreover, most people do not realize the resulting damages from sitting long time in front of the computer.
    Computer technology is considered to be new and people do not realize the side effects of sitting at the computer for working or surfing the internet for a long time. Most of the computer users are suffering from pains in their backs, necks and arms. The computer user would put his hands on the keyboard and starts typing or browsing the internet from one website to another, after one or two hours of setting in one position that would result in he would satrt feeling a pain in his joints. I would like to approve my point by citing Microsoft Company‘s statement that is written beneath the keyboard which is warning from sitting in front of the computer for a long time. Moreover, the display of the computer emits a radiation that could harm the eyes of the browser if he exposes (Maybe was exposed is better) to that radiation for a long time. Browsing the internet without goals is considered to be a waste of time, because a browser will be seduced by fancy websites and he will not realize that he spends all of that time browsing the internet. In addition, the browser will be in full concentration and will burn his energy while he is sitting in front of the computer which in turn will prompt him to eat more and that will lead to obesity.
    Based on the facts above, I agree that sitting at the computer for long hours is harmful due to and causes joints pain, display’s radiations, waste of time and energy. Furthermore, the obesity results from lack of movement.
    I am not sure that the last sentence is a good closure to your article since it is not well discussed and I recommend you to remove it.

    .
    .

  3. #3
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Sitting at the computer

    Quote Originally Posted by zahrani3480 View Post
    I would like someone to correct my essay, please. Soon I am going to sit for the TOEFL exam. Thanks.

    Sitting at the computer long hours is harmful. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
    I agree that sitting at the computer for long hours is harmful for a variety of reasons. Sitting for long time in front the computer without moving would hurt many of the body joints. Moreover, Most people do not realize the resulting damages from sitting long time in front of the computer.
    Computer technology is considered to be new and people do not realize the side effects of sitting at the computer for working or surfing the internet for a long time. Most of computer users are suffering from pain in their back, neck and arms.
    Really? I would have to challenge that statement.
    The computer user
    would puts his hands on the keyboard and starts typing or browsing the internet from one website to another. After one or two hours sitting in one position that would results in feeling a pain in his joints.
    You only use "would" in the conditional. You are writing about what happens, not what would happen.

    I would like to
    approve illustrate my point by citing Microsoft Company‘s statement that is written beneath the keyboard, warning from against sitting in front of the computer for a long time. Moreover,
    Check the use of "Moreover". It has to follow logically from what you've just said. A proper use here would be "Moreover, Microsoft warns against this in all their manuals."
    The display screen of the computer emits a radiation that could harm the eyes of the browser if he is exposed to that radiation for a long time. Browsing the internet without goals is considered to be
    a wasting time, [by whom?] because a browser will be seduced by fancy websites and he will not realize that he spends all of that time browsing the internet. In addition, the browser will be in full concentration and will burn his energy while he is sitting in front of the computer which in turn will prompt him to eat more and that will lead to obesity.
    Er ... no.
    By the way, you should try not to use a generic 'he' when you mean "he or she". You could try to rephrase so that you can use 'they'. For example, instead of "A browser will burn his energy", you can write "Browsers will burn their energy", which refers to both sexes.

    Based on the facts above, I agree that sitting at the computer for long hours is harmful due to joint pain, the display’s radiation and wasting time and energy. Furthermore, the obesity results from lack of movement.

    I've corrected a few errors that Unwritten has missed.
    You've made quite a few statements which are probably not true.

  4. #4
    zahrani3480 is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: Sitting at the computer

    First, I would like to thank you for the time that gave to correct my essay and the comments that you put, will be considered when I write my next essay. Secondly, my writing needs improvements in thoughts, sentence structure and grammars. I am looking for more help in the next essay.
    Thanks a lot Sir

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