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  1. #1
    markbaumol is offline Newbie
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    Default please comment on this short essay,thx in advance~

    this is an essay on competitive sports. thank you for your kindly help~

    Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

    Competitive sport is a prevalent arena in children’s education, allowing kids the chance to burn off energy, interact with peers and get a feel for winning and losing. Nevertheless, if improperly controlled, these sport events could exert grave repercussion on children’s future development as well. The merits and demerits of competitive sports will be dissected as follows.

    Due to the inherent characteristics of competitive sports, it will prepare children to effectively handle the challenges in their future life both physically and psychologically. The contemporary competitive sports like football or basketball, is characterized by its fierce rivalry between the two parties, which requires the candidates with a strong and healthy body. Regular training and frequent exercises are the basic requirements for the children who are participating these sports. As such, it is less likely for them to develop the problems like obesity which are common among today’s kids. Moreover, no one would be the everlasting winner in the competitive games. This means the children have to appreciate how to handle the triumph and adversity. Thus, not only can students build a strong body, but also they will be more resilient towards misfortune and disappointment in their life.

    Admittedly, there are some negative effects in the competitive games. It is the victory that some coaches and parents are only keen on regarding the children’s performance. These excessive burdens will undermine kids’ self-confidence and destroy their experience of the games. Also, injuries always accompany these sports, which will affect children’s normal academic schedule negatively. Therefore, the implementation of games should be carefully guided and planned.

    In conclusion, I concede that the competitive games result in several undesirable outcomes. Nevertheless, no one can deny the positive effects that these sports bring on children in terms of their physical and psychological development. Overall, I am convinced that the advantage of the game outweigh its potential drawback as long as it is carefully controlled.

  2. #2
    Norma3 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please comment on this short essay,thx in advance~

    Quote Originally Posted by markbaumol View Post
    this is an essay on competitive sports. thank you for your kindly help~


    Due to the inherent characteristics of competitive sports, it will prepare children to effectively handle the challenges in their future life both physically and psychologically. The contemporary competitive sports like football or basketball, is characterized by its fierce rivalry between the two parties, which requires the candidates with a strong and healthy body (more than 'requires' 'demands' is the appropriate word). Regular training and frequent exercises are the basic requirements for the (the is not needed) children who are participating these sports. (Regular training and frequent exercises are the basic requirements of these sports ) As such, (doesn't sound appopriate to use the phrase) it is less likely for them to develop the problems like obesity which are common among today’s kids. Moreover (doesn't sound appopriate to use the word), no one would be the everlasting winner in the competitive games. This means the children have to appreciate how to handle the triumph and adversity. Thus, not only can students build a strong body, but also they will be more resilient towards misfortune and disappointment in their life.

    Admittedly, there are some negative effects in the competitive games. It is the victory that some coaches and parents are only keen on regarding (instead -but not about) the children’s performance. These excessive burdens will undermine kids’ self-confidence and destroy their experience of the games.
    I am not a teacher but few corrections i have done to your essay. Exercise is regularly done not frequently.

    While using 'moreover', the sentence which contains moreover should have a direct relationship with context of the previous sentence, that is my opinion. In the above paragraph, the moreover sentence is not linking the two sentences, they are two independent facts, which can be stated without 'moreover'.

    I have not done complete corrections of the essay. Only which I could make out, I have corrected.

  3. #3
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: please comment on this short essay,thx in advance~

    Due to The inherent characteristics of competitive sports it will prepare children to effectively handle the challenges in their future life, both physically and psychologically. The contemporary competitive sports like football or basketball (delete ,) is are characterized by its fierce rivalry between the two parties, which requires the candidates participants with to have a strong and healthy body (more than 'requires' 'demands' is the appropriate word). Regular training and frequent exercises are the basic requirements for the (the is not needed) children who are participating participate in these sports. (Regular training and frequent exercises are the basic requirements of these sports ) As such, (doesn't sound appopriate to use the phrase) it is less likely for them to develop the problems like obesity which are common among today’s kids. Moreover (doesn't sound appopriate to use the word), no one would be the everlasting always be the winner in the competitive games. This means the children have to appreciate how to handle the triumph and adversity. Thus, not only can students build a strong body, but also they will be more resilient towards against misfortune and disappointment (adversities) in their life.

    Admittedly, there are some negative effects in the competitive games. It is the victory that some coaches and parents are only keen on regarding (instead -but not about) the children’s performance. These excessive burdens will would undermine the kids’ self-confidence and destroy their experience spoil their enjoyment of the games. sports.

    Better to use 'children'than kids.

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