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  1. #1
    atmo_22 is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    2
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    Default important request: please help me to improve my SOP

    Hello,
    I'm Ahmed from Iraq, I have scholarship to USA.I complete all doc requirement except Statement of Purpose.I wrote it and translated by Google. Can anyone please improve the statement below. I am very need it:

    Home was through the scientific journal given to me by my brother when I was child and that was contains a range of scientific topics diverse, but what caught my attention and intrigued me was the subject of the layers of the atmosphere with information about each layer, especially with respect to temperature and the types of gases. This aroused in me a passion and loves for this science and the fact the atmosphere. I became every now and then seized the opportunities to buy some magazines, books or articles about the nature of the atmosphere. That was the beginning of my interest in the Atmospheric Sciences.

    I am a social human and I like to socialize with others and get to know people from other cultures to enrich my experience and improve my relationships with people around me. Also I consider myself lucky to be born into a family cultured and educated, with social values and high degree of care and responsibility, which was and is still great supporters to face all challenges and obstacles.
    I was a good pupil in school and excelled at all stages of the study. And I was year after year, increases my love and my passion for science and knowledge.After 2003 and the opening of Iraq to the age of technology, Internet and satellite television had a significant role in enriching my knowledge through follow up reports and scientific research visible and audible, especially in atmospheric sciences and on the contents of this science wonderful secrets of massive and accurate in his regime and his big role in the preservation of life on the planet.

    So I decided after completing the study in the school to entry the university and study science atmosphere. There I continued the discretionary in the study and excellence. I was succeeded with distinction in every year of study with the order of the first student on the department, drawing the admiration of faculty in the department and encouraged me to do more and gave me advice and guidance and a lot of sources in order to be more understanding of this specialize.That was a reason to increase my determination to succeed Throughout the four years of study Which culminated in me getting a bachelor's degree with honors and with The rank of the first student of the College., which nominated me to obtain a full scholarship by the Ministry of Higher Education and Scientific Research of Iraq to obtain the Master degree.

    Through my studies at university I did some research, the most important of these is the Graduation's research, which was entitled "Collection of WMO Programs", which obtained the degree of excellence and praise from the head of the department and several Professors. Through this research I focused on four main programs of the ten programs of the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) discussed their components, objectives, activities and the relationship with each other and with other organizations. As well as research papers such that "Global Climate Change”, “Cloud Nuclei" and "Geostrophic wind".

    I am very interested to study the atmospheric sciences in your university (... ... ... ... ..). My optional for applying to your university is not arbitrarily, but came after discussions with several professors in the department as well as with some of my relatives who have studied in USA and they advised me to apply in your respectable university. After my visit to the website of the University and take important information about the university and access to the department(... ... ..) and took the idea of lessons, teaching faculty and Correspondence some of them, I became sure that your university is the best place for me to achieve my goals and ambitions and I will be proud to join you and take advantage of great wealth of knowledge and scientific progress that characterizes your university and I will make every effort possible to be a part of those who contribute to advancing progress forward to the service of humanity.

    I am interested in the field of research (Climate Change) and It is no secret to anyone how is important, especially in recent years and which it accompanied by escalation and international uproar and it became the focus of attention of many scientists and researchers even politicians and world leaders, after Come outcries about the future of life on Earth.Through this research I will work on a comprehensive study of this phenomenon, trying to develop optimal solutions to which can be implemented on the ground. Especially after the emergence of many solutions that do not fit with the size of the problem and difficult to implement at the global scale, where the problem is not international or regional but it global, and must be dealt with on this basis.

    My goals after I getting a master's degree is to return to Iraq and to complete my career in science and get PhD Degree and work in the field of teaching and that of the urgent need for such specialization in my country. I will also do scientific researches in my field at all levels, international and global for community service within an uncontaminated environment.

    I would like to refer, through this letter to the weakness of my English and I got the help to write this letter. But within the program of my scholarship I will enter the Language Institute of your university or any place that you may recommend to obtain required score in the test TOFEL and GRE So I would like to request that you grant me a conditional admission to your Master’s Program to complete the procedures of my scholarship and travel to USA to join the Language Institute and then to your Master’s program in fall 2011.

    My hope is that your consideration of my file will render a favorable decision. I am confident a decision like that will definitely change my life and put me on the verge of a bright future of which I hope your university will be the main thrust.

    .
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    Last edited by atmo_22; 14-May-2010 at 13:35.

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