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  1. #1
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Sleep--Please Edit My writing

    I am very new to this forum.
    My interest is writing. However, I am quite weak in it. I can't express my feelings well.

    The following writing is about my obsession with sleep. If you find grammatical errors in it, kindly correct them for me. Thanks in advance.

    Title: Sleep

    From the first blush of dawn until the closing of the twilight, I only think of sleep.


    Considering my school starts at 7 a.m., I have to wake up extremely early every morning. However, It is not easy for me to get up . I have to depend on my father to give me a wake up call at 5a.m. What a spoilt, overage child I am! After dragging myself out of bed, I will spend twenty to thirty minutes doing my ablutions. By 6.15a.m., Papa will reach my house and take me to school in his little red Toyota starlet. On the way, he will drop me at the open-air market in town to buy a breakfast take-away.

    In school, I will snatch a quick shuteye in each of my free periods. It replenishes my energy and helps me to stay focused on my teaching. If not, I will be groggy. My lessons will end up in a mess.

    I have a consistent napping routine every afternoon after school. I will sleep for thirty minutes to one hour.

    I turn in at 9.30a.m. every night. is it considered early? I sleep even earlier on weekends and holidays.

    I am sleepy again. Don't be surprised to see me snoring in my couch fifteen minutes later.
    Last edited by yeecharles; 19-May-2010 at 12:43.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: Sleep--Please Edit My writing

    Quote Originally Posted by yeecharles View Post
    I am very new to this forum.
    My interest is writing. However, I am quite weak in it. I can't express my feelings well.

    The following writing is about my obsession with sleep. If you find grammatical errors in it, kindly correct them for me. Thanks in advance.

    Title: Sleep

    From the first blush of dawn until the closing (end?) of
    the twilight, I only think of (or about) sleep.

    Considering Because my school day starts at 7 a.m., I have to wake up extremely early every morning. However, it is not easy for me to get up. I have to depend on my father to give me a wake up call at 5a.m. What a spoilt, overage child I am! After dragging myself out of bed, I will spend twenty to thirty minutes doing my ablutions. By 6.15a.m., Papa will reach reaches my house and takes me to school in his little red Toyota Starlet. On the way, he will drops me at the open-air market in town to buy a breakfast take-away breakfast.

    In At school, I will snatch a quick shuteye in each of my free periods. It replenishes my energy and helps me to stay focused on my teaching. If not, I will be I'm groggy and my lessons will end up in a mess.

    I have a consistent napping routine every afternoon after school. I will sleep for thirty minutes to one hour.

    I turn in at 9.30p.m. every night. Is it that considered early? I go to sleep even earlier on at weekends and during holidays.

    I am sleepy again. Don't be surprised to see me snoring
    in on my couch in fifteen minutes later.
    Because you are talking about something that happens very regularly, you should stick to the present tense throughout. You got it right with "I turn in at 9.30....." but in a lot of the rest of the story you used "I will....."

  3. #3
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Sleep--Please Edit My writing

    Thank you, emsr.

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