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  1. #1
    jintong is offline Newbie
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    Default please check my writing


    This writing is about How do children should spend their free time.

    Please help me correct this writing.Thanks


    In this day and age,free time are playing increasingly impotant roles in our lives.Yet at the same time,people are dicided over whether how does children spend their free time.Some people contend that this time should be used to more school work,while many people argue that this time relax their bodies and ease their minds.Speaking for myself,i agree the latter.
    It is obvious that children spend free time on some leisure.In the first place,many children find the schooling in traditional schools monotonous and unmotivating.Therefore,they need to have some leisure activities to release our stress.In the second place, parents play key roles in their children's growth.For instance,children who do not feel secure at home may lack confidence at school.Specifically,on some leisure they learn teamwork spirit,which will help them cooperate with others in future.Lastly,in the school they have to do many school work.In other words,on some leisure they can develop their hobbies and find out what they are really interested in.
    Admittedly,children should spend their free time do more school work.The reason for this is that children may give up their study and spend all the time on some leisure.Obviously,do more school work can develop their study.Nevertheless,school afford children the pleasure of learning is not enough.For instance,the school also cultivate children of responsibility.
    In summary,i would concede that children should spend time on some leisure.Overall,i am convinced that some leisure should enrich their experience.


    thinks

  2. #2
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    Cool my dear what you write consider as draft i read all and correct some of your mistakes

    In this day and before,free time are playing increasingly impotant roles in our lifes.Yet at the same time, people where dicided over whether how does children spend their free time. Some people contend that this time should be used for more school work,while many people argue that this time relaxs their bodies and eases their minds.Speaking for myself,i agree the latter.
    It is obvious that children spend free time on some leisures.In the one hand, many children find the schooling in traditional schools monotonous and unmotivated. Therefore, they need to have some leisure activities to release their stress. In the second hand, parents play key roles in their children's growth. For instance, children who do not feel secure at home maybe lack confidence at school.Specifically,on some leisure they learn how to act as teamwork, which will help them cooperate with others in future. Lastly,in the school they have to do many school works. In other words, some students can develop their hobbies and find out what they are really interested in.
    in the end,children should spend their free time do more school work.The reason for this is that children may give up their study and spend all the time on some leisure.Obviously,doing more school work can develop their studies.Nevertheless,school afford children the pleasure of learning that is not enough. For instance, the school also cultivates children of responsibility I would concede that children should spend time on some leisure.Overall,i am convinced that some leisure should enrich their experience.
    @@@ try to read the essay before sending it @@@

  3. #3
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    Default Re: please check my writing

    I will try to stay about your writing skill. I cannot correct everything on this forum though.

    In this day and age,free time are playing increasingly impotant roles in our lives.
    Nowadays, free time plays more important role in our lives.

    Yet at the same time,people are dicided over whether how does children spend their free time.Some people contend that this time should be used to more school work,while many people argue that this time relax their bodies and ease their minds.Speaking for myself,i agree the latter.

    Yet at the same time, parents still try to decide how their children should spend their free time. Some parents want this free time to be used for more school related works, while many others argue that this time should be used for physical and psychological relaxation. In my personal opinion, I must agree the latter.

    (If you need help for the writing in the below, please send me a private message)

    It is obvious that children spend free time on some leisure.In the first place,many children find the schooling in traditional schools monotonous and unmotivating.Therefore,they need to have some leisure activities to release our stress.In the second place, parents play key roles in their children's growth.For instance,children who do not feel secure at home may lack confidence at school.Specifically,on some leisure they learn teamwork spirit,which will help them cooperate with others in future.Lastly,in the school they have to do many school work.In other words,on some leisure they can develop their hobbies and find out what they are really interested in.
    Admittedly,children should spend their free time do more school work.The reason for this is that children may give up their study and spend all the time on some leisure.Obviously,do more school work can develop their study.Nevertheless,school afford children the pleasure of learning is not enough.For instance,the school also cultivate children of responsibility.
    In summary,i would concede that children should spend time on some leisure.Overall,i am convinced that some leisure should enrich their experience.


    Last edited by usgrammar; 30-May-2010 at 14:02.

  4. #4
    fighting spirit's Avatar
    fighting spirit is offline Member
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    Default Re: please check my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by usgrammar View Post


    Yet at the same time, parents still tries try to decide how their children should spend their free time. Some parents wants want this free time to be used for more school related works, while many others argue that this time should be used for physical and psychological relaxation. In my personal opinion, I must agree the latter.
    Why do you add -s to a third person plural?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: please check my writing

    Oh shoot, I did. I focused too much on changing to parents. Sorry about that. :) Good catch

  6. #6
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    Default Re: please check my writing

    Gillnetter, don't get confused between "what I helped" and "what the original thread publisher wrote."

    If you would like to help jintong, the original thread publisher, please do so. Not on me. LoL. I'm a helper too. I did not ask for your help. haha

    You are not helping Jintong here, you see. :(
    No progress with your input.

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