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  1. #1
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Please Correct My Blog

    I wrote a blog about my fever yesterday. Can anyone please edit it for me? I believe it is peppered with grammatical errors.

    Title: Fever

    I had difficulty waking up this morning. My head was heavy and my body aching all over. However, I still dragged myself to work. I believed I could withstand the minor discomfort well. After all, today was the last day of my school's examination week and I had only four classes to invigilate. The job would not be a strenuous exertion.

    Contrary to my thoughts, my condition worsened when I was at school. I felt very tired and sleepy during the first two supervisions. I had to rub heat oil on my forehead to keep myself awake. In the third session, A feeling of giddiness came over me. I crossed my arms on the teacher's desk and rested my groggy head on them. I realized I was running a temperature. Curious murmurs began to fill the classroom. To restore quietness in the classroom, I told the students about my fever. The explanation was able to raise their sympathy and they fell silent obediently. What a considerate bunch they were!

    I had two free periods after the third invigilation. I fumbled inside my knapsack for pills and found a blister pack of paracetamols( I have a habit of keeping medicines in my knapsack. I fall sick easily). I swallowed two pills with a single gulp of water. Then, I slouched in my cushioned seat and closed my eyes to rest. My body heat was getting more and more intense in the first few minutes. It pulsed through my limbs like undulating waves. I squirmed involuntarily in agony. At one point I felt cold. I had to hug my knapsack to keep my body warm. The torture seemed to last forever. I kept praying for God's mercy in delirium. Miraculously, I sweated and felt slightly better after forty minutes. Did God answer my prayer or the pills were showing effects?

    I perspired more when I did my fourth invigilation . It helped to soothe my discomfort. I clocked off at 1.40 p.m. and hitched a colleague's ride home. I bought a three-day supply of anti-fever pills in the pharmacy near my house. I ate one pill after a light lunch of noodle soup. The soporific pill made me fall into a deep sleep. When I awoke at 6p.m., my fever was gone.

    Because of the long nap, I was alert throughout the night. I slept late at 12 p.m. My three-week long school break would start tomorrow and I could wake up as late as I wanted. Thank God for the holiday. It would surely give me an ample time to recuperate.
    Last edited by yeecharles; 28-May-2010 at 14:52.

  2. #2
    hanissaberz is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please Correct My Blog

    your essay is brilliant..can i get to your blog?? please give me the link~ thanks..

  3. #3
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please Correct My Blog

    Quote Originally Posted by hanissaberz View Post
    your essay is brilliant..can i get to your blog?? please give me the link~ thanks..
    Thanks for your comment. But I think my writing is full of errors. I will PM you the link to my blog.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please Correct My Blog

    I believed I could withstand the minor discomfort well. - If it's minor discomfort, then 'withstand' sounds over the top to me. How about 'put up with' or 'take'
    The job would not be a strenuous exertion.- I would just say 'be too/very strenuous/demanding'
    Contrary to my thoughts,- I'd use 'thought' as a verb- had thought
    heat oil- not sure what this is
    In the third session, A feeling of giddiness came over me- capitalisation (a), but it might work better as 'I started feeling giddy'
    The explanation was able to raise their sympathy- How about 'They were sympathetic'- o need to mention the explanation as it comes in the previous sentence
    I have a habit of keeping medicines in my knapsack. I fall sick easily- I'd join them with 'as' or something.
    I kept praying for God's mercy in delirium. - This doesn't sound like delerium- it sounds logical, so how about 'though delerious, I prayed/kept praying...'.
    or the pills were showing effects?- word order
    a colleague's ride home- a ride home with/from a colleague
    I ate one pill - I'd use 'took'
    The soporific pill- sleeping pill
    I slept late at 12 p.m- until??

  5. #5
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please Correct My Blog

    Thanks for correcting my work.
    Heat oil should be heat lotion. Thanks for pointing it out for me.

    'word order' the pills were showing effects?
    Is the right one --were the pills showing effects?

    A colleague's ride home -- I hitched a ride in a colleague's car.(Is it acceptable?)
    Last edited by yeecharles; 29-May-2010 at 02:54.

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please Correct My Blog

    were the pills- there are two separate questions there.
    I hitched a ride- yes, it's fine

  7. #7
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please Correct My Blog

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    were the pills- there are two separate questions there.
    I hitched a ride- yes, it's fine
    Thanks.

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