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  1. #1
    elhithebest is offline Junior Member
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    Cool could anyone correct my paragraph

    Iīve been asked to write a paragraph titled The Golden Age of Female Singers. please tell me if this is correct thanks in advanced.

    The 21st century is The Golden Age of Female Singers. Since at least a decade ago women have broken the chains and become more independent in every aspect of life, in early times women had to ask for permission for almost everything, nowadays they do as they want, wear whatever they like, this is well shown in female singers. while before there were mostly men who where at the tops of every ranking in the world, we have now female megastars like Alexandra Burke, Lady Ga Ga, Beyoncee and many others who are at the top of their careers driving their fans crazy at their gigs with their incredible voices and excentrics outfits. It is fantastic the way in which women have reveled and said to the world that this is our time to shine.
    Last edited by elhithebest; 29-May-2010 at 16:25.

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    Default Re: could anyone correct my paragraph

    The 21st century is The Golden Age of Female Singers. Since at least a decade ago women have broken the chains and become more independent in every aspect of life, in early times women had to ask for permission for almost everything,
    Too many ideas in each sentence. Break them into smaller pieces. Also notice the edits.

    The 21st century is The Golden Age of Female Singers. For at least a decade, women have broken their chains and become more independent in every aspect of life. In early times, women had to ask permission for almost everything.
    Last edited by playful; 03-Jun-2010 at 05:01. Reason: typo

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    Default Re: could anyone correct my paragraph

    nowadays they do as they want, wear whatever they like, this is well shown in female singers.
    Nowadays they do as they want, wear whatever they like. This shows in female singers.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: could anyone correct my paragraph

    while before there were mostly men who where at the tops of every ranking in the world, we have now female megastars like Alexandra Burke, Lady Ga Ga, Beyoncee and many others
    Men used to sit on top of every field in the world, singing included. Now we have female megastars such as Alexandra Burke, Lady Ga Ga and Beyoncee.

  5. #5
    elhithebest is offline Junior Member
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    Thumbs up Re: thanks a lot

    Quote Originally Posted by playful View Post
    Men used to sit on top of every field in the world, singing included. Now we have female megastars such as Alexandra Burke, Lady Ga Ga and Beyoncee.
    thanks for having answer, Iīll take into account your corrections. It is truly dif. for me to acquire the correct way of writing in English. your very helpful

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    Default Re: thanks a lot

    You're welcome.

    and many others who are at the top of their careers driving their fans crazy at their gigs with their incredible voices and excentrics outfits. It is fantastic the way in which women have reveled and said to the world that this is our time to shine.
    With their incredible voices and excentrics outfits, these singers drive their fans crazy. These women have shown the world that it is the the time for female singers to shine.

    Elhi, one technique that may help you at your stage is to try and write without using the verb "to be". This technique is called E-prime (you can read about it on Wikipedia).

  7. #7
    elhithebest is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: could anyone correct my paragraph

    ok but this is related to The Story of an Hour by Kate Chopin that we read. I donīt know if you have read the story, itīs about women in the 19th century, who were supposed under menīs power. then we saw some new female singers so my teacher gave us that topic sentence and the peragraph had to be a mixture of both readings. Thatīs why I wrote like that, of course I know there have always been great women, we always shine, before, now and ever!!!!!!!
    Itīs a joke, thanks anyway for givie me your point, everything helps.

    please tell me if I have written every thing correct. That will help me too.
    Thanks

  8. #8
    elhithebest is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: thanks a lot

    I will, thanks

  9. #9
    Acsah is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: could anyone correct my paragraph

    My name Srikanth, i am living at Dilsukhnagar in my uncle's house. He is nice gentleman. My father name is Mr. Rao, he is agricultrure. My mother name Bhavani. I am loving my parents very much.

  10. #10
    elhithebest is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: could anyone correct my paragraph

    [QUOTE=Acsah;610880]My name is Srikanth, I am living in Dilsukhnagar in my uncle's house. He is a nice gentleman. My fatherīs name is Mr. Rao, he is a farmer. My motherīs name is Bhavani. I love my parents very much.

    you say I am living if you are living there for the moment, but if that is the real place where you live you must say I live in.......

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