Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    14
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default I need someone to edit it ^_^

    Commercials of the media may have a negative effect on the behavior of young generations



    In this world, almost all societies cannot live without media. It is become one of the top importances in life. Since it has brought most of their wishes, people begin to exploit this reality by advertising their products in order to catch customers. So, they invent new designs to make it very unique. However, this is getting bigger and has started crossing lines .In this case; commercials of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations which are on: their psychology and health.


    Since the invention of the commercials of media, it has followed some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some commercials on TV, he might start begging his parents about this ad. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring it for rationalistic reasons because they do know the best for him. After that, he will begin to ask questions by crying or sitting alone. Therefore, this example can let the child thinks that his parents hate him. Consequently, the problem may be Depression .


    Another concern is that may be affected on their health. As known, there are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children saw one of them, they might try it because they think that this is the guide to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effected on the health like chest diseases or malnutrition.


    All in all, media has become the goal to reach our mind not the young alone. I believe as I read many articles; the family should let their children aware bout the real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless items.

    ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
    I will have a final exam essay after 2 weeks , and I need someone to tell me where are the mistakes on my writing in order to avoid these mistakes
    Also, How can I be a good wtiter ??
    Last edited by sarah bin; 02-Jun-2010 at 12:13.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    14
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: I need someone to edit it ^_^

    my teacher gave me 4/10
    sha said u have a problem with choosing the rigth words !!
    Do u think she's right ,plz cheek it

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    10
    Post Thanks / Like

    Wink my dearest sara i correct your essay and i hopy we both correct our essays

    Propagandas of the media may have a negative effect on the behavior of young generations

    In this world, almost all societies cannot live without media. It is(grammar) become as a one of the top importance in the life. Since it has brought the most of their wishes, people begin to exploit this reality by advertising their products in order to catch draw attention of the customers. So, they invent new designs style to make it very unique. However, this is getting bigger and has started crossing lines!!!! .In this case; propagandas of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations which are on: their psychology and health.

    Since the invention of the Propagandaof media, it has brings some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some Propagandas on TV, he might start begging his parents about this ad. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring it for rationalistic reasons because they do know the best for him. After that, he will begin to asking by crying or sitting alone. Therefore, this can make child thinks that his parents hate him. Consequently, this may be carry out to the() problem.

    Another concern is that the Propagandamay be affected on their health. For examples , there are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children saw one of these Propagandas , they might try it because they think that its guide to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effects on the health like chest diseases or malnutrition.

    All in all, media has become the desired goal to reach our mind not only in the youth alone. I believe as I read many articles; that the family should let their children aware bout the real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless ADs.

    you and my need more practice you have a good idea but you must considering your english reader you must write in english style

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    14
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: my dearest sara i correct your essay and i hopy we both correct our essays

    Quote Originally Posted by mouhamad View Post
    Propagandas of the media may have a negative effect on the behavior of young generations


    In this world, almost all societies cannot live without media. It is(grammar) become as a one of the top importance in the life. Since it has brought the most of their wishes, people begin to exploit this reality by advertising their products in order to catch draw attention of the customers. So, they invent new designs style to make it very unique. However, this is getting bigger and has started crossing lines!!!! .In this case; propagandas of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations which are on: their psychology and health.

    Since the invention of the Propagandaof media, it has brings some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some Propagandas on TV, he might start begging his parents about this ad. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring it for rationalistic reasons because they do know the best for him. After that, he will begin to asking by crying or sitting alone. Therefore, this can make child thinks that his parents hate him. Consequently, this may be carry out to the() problem.

    Another concern is that the Propagandamay be affected on their health. For examples , there are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children saw one of these Propagandas , they might try it because they think that its guide to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effects on the health like chest diseases or malnutrition.

    All in all, media has become the desired goal to reach our mind not only in the youth alone. I believe as I read many articles; that the family should let their children aware bout the real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless ADs.

    you and my need more practice you have a good idea but you must considering your english reader you must write in english style
    thank u ^_^

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    14
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: I need someone to edit it ^_^

    I need a netaive English teacher to edit plz ):
    I'm very sad about my marks ,its really not that good

  6. #6
    billmcd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,505
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: I need someone to edit it ^_^

    Although I have made several corrections, you have put a lot of thought into your article and I tried not to alter your theme. It is a great start. Keep writing AND reading. Good writing won't happen overnight. Practice, practice, practice.

    Commercials of the media Media Commercials May Have a Negative Effect on the Behavior of Young Generations




    In this world, almost all societies cannot live without the media. It is has become one of the top most significant importancesinfluences in lifeour lives. Since it has brought most of their wishes, people begin to Marketers use the various media outlets to exploit this reality by advertising their products and services in order to catch attract customers. So, they invent new designs to make it the presentation of their products very unique. However, this phenomenon is getting bigger and has started crossing lines .In this case, commercials of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations youth which are on: their in the areas of psychology and health.



    Since the invention of the commercials of media, it has followed some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some commercials on TV, he might start begging his parents about this adto buy a certain product. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring purchase it for rationalistic reasons because they do think they know the best for himthe child. After that, hethe child will might begin to ask questions react by crying or sitting alone, sometimes making Therefore, this example can let the child thinks that histhe parents hate himthe child. Consequently, the problem may beresult in Depression .



    Another concern influenced by the media is that may be affected on theirthat of the consumer's health . As known, There are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children sawsee one of them, they might try it because they think that this is the guideway to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effected on the health, like chestheart and lung diseases or malnutrition.



    All in all, media has become the goal way to reach our mind and not the young alone. I believe as I read many articles; the family should letmake their children aware about the potential dangers of real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless items that they feel to be detrimental to the health and safety of their children.

    ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
    Last edited by billmcd; 03-Jun-2010 at 01:55. Reason: typo

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    14
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: I need someone to edit it ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    Here are some changes for you to consider. To become a better writer you must increase the number of words that you use - and understand what these words mean and how to use them.


    thank u
    I'll try my best ,wish me luck

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    14
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: I need someone to edit it ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by billmcd View Post
    Although I have made several corrections, you have put a lot of thought into your article and I tried not to alter your theme. It is a great start. Keep writing AND reading. Good writing won't happen overnight. Practice, practice, practice.



    Commercials of the media Media Commercials May Have a Negative Effect on the Behavior of Young Generations




    In this world, almost all societies cannot live without the media. It is has become one of the top most significant importancesinfluences in lifeour lives. Since it has brought most of their wishes, people begin to Marketers use the various media outlets to exploit this reality by advertising their products and services in order to catch attract customers. So, they invent new designs to make it the presentation of their products very unique. However, this phenomenon is getting bigger and has started crossing lines .In this case, commercials of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations youth which are on: their in the areas of psychology and health.



    Since the invention of the commercials of media, it has followed some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some commercials on TV, he might start begging his parents about this adto buy a certain product. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring purchase it for rationalistic reasons because they do think they know the best for himthe child. After that, hethe child will might begin to ask questions react by crying or sitting alone, sometimes making Therefore, this example can let the child thinks that histhe parents hate himthe child. Consequently, the problem may beresult in Depression .



    Another concern influenced by the media is that may be affected on theirthat of the consumer's health . As known, There are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children sawsee one of them, they might try it because they think that this is the guideway to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effected on the health, like chestheart and lung diseases or malnutrition.



    All in all, media has become the goal way to reach our mind and not the young alone. I believe as I read many articles; the family should letmake their children aware about the potential dangers of real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless items that they feel to be detrimental to the health and safety of their children.

    ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
    thank u so much
    I like it
    I hope that I could do better in the finle day
    wish me luck ^_^

Similar Threads

  1. Edit my CV
    By dejenes1979 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-Nov-2009, 10:31
  2. edit/s
    By Tan Elaine in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-Jul-2009, 07:40
  3. Replies: 9
    Last Post: 29-Mar-2007, 02:46
  4. Edit my CV please
    By esophea in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 23-Jan-2007, 12:10
  5. edit
    By MadHorse in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 22-Apr-2006, 16:06

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •