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Thread: Help me

  1. #1
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    Jun 2010
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    Help me

    I need someone helps me to edit my essay,which have to be edited in order to get a better mark. The thing is I don't know where to start and this is my essay. Thanks in advance.
    My survival Memoir
    . April 30 1975, South Vietnam was taken over by the Communist from the North, after a relentless war for more than thirty years in Vietnam. Since that day, many people who were involved in the South Vietnam Government were captured, and put into prisons, which they called the Concentration Camp. Everything was changed dramatically; the life became miserable because we had no freedom in and religion and in any activities
    October 1975, the Communist had started a program called “the Communism Reform” throughout the country. Residents in all the cities were forced to moved to forest or mountain areas, where were collectively known as the New Economic Development Zone. I was living with my family with eight people; I had four brothers and one sister. My parent had a grocery store, the family's business. My family could not do the business because we had to live in worry and fear of being watched by the local government.
    When my family refused to move to the Development Zone, the government forfeited all of our properties mercilessly. We had no choice except to move to their work camp. Life in the development zone was tough. We spent long days clearing areas of dense jungle and cultivate the dried, arid land. Farming became part of our daily life. Based on the communist fashion, we worked together and shared the harvest. However, since no one really could own their own land and enjoy the full benefits of their fruitful labour, no one could really concentrate on their work. Due to the severity works under the terrible conditions in the camp, a lot of people tried to escape back to the city. If they were caught, they would be jailed and relocated to a harder labour camp. My brothers and I were one of those individuals who run off the camp after bribing the guard some money. As soon as we left the labour camp, we found ways to get to a small village near the sea. There, my brothers disguised into the fish men and worked like local people. One day, my brothers were planning to flee the country and they secretly built a small boat. At first, my parent didn’t allow me to flee with them, since they thought the boat was too small to survive in the ocean. On the night we were ready to leave; one person was afraid to die in the ocean and didn't show up so my older brother agreed to take me with them.
    We left Vietnam in a small boat, which were about 4 metres long and 2 metres wide. We sat quietly in the boat like sardines in a can. Soon after we started our venture, we realized how dangerous escaping was. It was so risky for us because we didn’t have any navigator and had just a little food and water, but it was too late for us to return. It was a hazardous voyage and we all looked tense and anxious. We decided to keep going with hope for any ship on the sea to save us. The weather was very good and the sea was calm .we just hoped and prayed for miracles.
    After we had been on the sea for about ten hours, the engine broke down. We did not have any sails or paddles to keep the boat going, so the boat kept moving without any control or guidance. The food was scarce and can only last for few days. Sometimes, we just drank water when it rained. We saw some ships on the way, and signalled S.O.S, but they did not stop to help. The following six days and seven nights tested our physical and mental resilience. We battled thunderstorms before landing on a small uninhabited island. We run out of food and water. Hungrily, we searched for sustenance, Coconuts quenched our thirst and the fishes we caught with our bare hands were our food. After one week, a passing boat with foreigners spotted us and communicated our position to the authorities. The UN Officers rescued us and escorted us to the refugee camp in Galang, Indonesia.
    Life in the refugee camp was horrible too because there was not enough food or water. The facilities were dirty and atrocious. A lot of people got sick because of the spread of disease while living in the camp. Days of waiting to be in the third country were another stress because you wouldn’t know where your future would end up. More than ten thousand refugees had been waiting to be accepted by the third country like Canada or US at that time. More than ten thousand had been waiting to be sponsored by their relatives, charity organizes or the government from another country, they then were interviewed by the UN Officials. If they were approved, they could move to a new country. Otherwise, they had to repatriate back to Vietnam. Although there was stressful, there was hope. Most of the time, they were sponsored by the Humanity Organizes and allowed to come to a new country to start a new life. After living in the refugee camp for three years, we finally were sponsored by The Canadian Government. We left the camp at the end of December, 1990.
    At the time I write this memoir, I can’t believe the life and death that I had been through before coming to Canada, and I figure out one thing; the more hardships I had spent in the past, the more I treasure value in life I have today. Canada has given me freedom and peace for which I am very grateful for. Deep in my heart, I think Canada is my second native country although I never forget my own country, Vietnam.
    Last edited by princeton; 04-Jun-2010 at 02:34.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    Re: Help me

    That is quick reply! Thank you very much. You encourage me to write. Next time I will write my memoir because it helps relieve my stress. I have lots of life experience that I think it would be interesting for you to read too. I just need an encouraging.

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