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  1. #1
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    Persuasive letter - Please proofread

    Hi,

    Could anyone please help me with the below assignment. I've managed to write a letter, I just need someone to proofread it as I don't anyone who can help me with it. Pay attention to articles as I have a lot of problems with them. Thank you

    I frequently travel throughout the year and while traveling, I always seek to stay at the Sheraton. I do so because I appreciate emphasis your hotel puts on a value and excellent service. Unfortunately, a recent episode at Sheraton Miami was highly disappointing and made me question my loyalty.
    During my stay, along with four other executive management members of Delta Comp in Miami, Florida, Room #1198 on June 2nd, 2010 through June 5th, 2010 my stay at Sheraton was rocky from the beginning. From check-in to check-out I experienced numerous problems that I just cannot let go untold.
    Firstly, as advertised in “Business Traveler’s Package”, each of the rooms reserved by us was supposed to have an access to a private boardroom included. Regrettably due to the fact that boardroom was not ours to use at anytime, but that it was on a first-come, first-served basis we were forced to conduct our team meetings in a hotel lobby. That was especially frustrating on June 4th and 5th between 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. when many travelers have been checking-in to the hotel for the upcoming long weekend.
    Secondly, upon checking out I’ve discovered that the use of Wi-Fi was free for only one hour each day. Please note that all Delta Comp team members have spent over three hours on the internet each day. Roughly, we were billed for an extra 32 hours of the internet usage which came up to over $320. Mind you that there’s no one sign or leaflet available with information of maximal daily Wi-Fi usage either in the lobby or in one of our rooms.
    I was surprisingly disappointed with my last stay at Sheraton Florida. I hope a hotel with your reputation for an outstanding service will be able to fix above issues, by updating information in “Business Traveler’s Package” as well as clearly informing its clients of Wi-Fi limitations. It’s extremely distressing for a loyal and frequent traveler to experience such a poor service; however I’m confident that Sheraton Florida will resolve this matter quickly and effectively and we will avoid any problems with our next visit.

  2. #2
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Re: Persuasive letter - Please proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by olej View Post
    Hi,

    I frequently travel throughout the year and while traveling, I always seek to stay at the Sheraton. I do so because I appreciate the emphasis your hotel puts on a value and excellent service. Unfortunately, a recent episode at the Sheraton Miami was highly disappointing and made me question my loyalty towards your hotel.
    During My stay at your hotel along with four other executive management members of Delta Comp in Miami, Florida, Room #1198 on June 2nd, 2010 through June 5th, 2010 my stay at Sheraton was rocky from the beginning. From check-in to check-out, I experienced numerous problems that I just cannot let go untold.
    Firstly, as advertised in “Business Traveler’s Package”, each of the rooms reserved by us was supposed to have an access to a private boardroom included. Regrettably, due to the fact that the boardroom was not ours for us to use at anytime, but that was only available on a first-come, first-served basis, so we were forced to conduct our team meetings in a the hotel lobby. That was especially frustrating on June 4th and 5th between 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. when many travelers have been were checking-in to into the hotel for the upcoming long weekend.
    Secondly, upon checking out I’ve discovered that the use of Wi-Fi was free for only one hour each day. Please note that all Delta Comp team members have spent over three hours on the internet each day. Roughly, we were billed for an extra 32 hours of the internet usage which came up to over $320. Mind you, that there’s no one sign or leaflet available with information of aboutmaximal the limit of daily Wi-Fi usage either in the lobby or in one of our rooms.
    I was surprisingly utterly disappointed with my last stay at Sheraton Florida. I hope a hotel with your reputation for an outstanding service will be able to fix above issues, by updating information in “Business Traveler’s Package” as well as clearly informing its clients of Wi-Fi limitations about the limit of Wifi use. It’s extremely distressing for a loyal and frequent traveler to experience such a poor service; however I’m confident that Sheraton Florida will resolve this matter quickly and effectively and we will avoid would not encounter any problems with our next visit.
    not a teacher
    Last edited by tedtmc; 12-Jun-2010 at 15:36.

  3. #3
    Leandro-Z's Avatar
    Leandro-Z is offline Member
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    Exclamation Re: Persuasive letter - Please proofread

    Mind you, the...

    It is wrong, the 'that clause' is never separeted with a comma.

  4. #4
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    Re: Persuasive letter - Please proofread

    thank you. your changes seem reasonable :)

  5. #5
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Re: Persuasive letter - Please proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by Leandro-Z View Post
    Mind you, the...

    It is wrong, the 'that clause' is never separeted with a comma.
    Read this:
    BBC World Service | Learning English | Learn it

    You don't begin a sentence with 'mind you that..'.

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