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  1. #1
    ahme200 is offline Newbie
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    Default please, check this paragraph

    could anyone help ne to coorect my mistakes and provide me with better words and expressions

    Working in a team
    Everyone of us has worked in a team at some point. Some find it enjoyable, others find it difficult. Their role differs according to their abilities and aims at achieving the team's goal in the end.
    I have a great experience with team work. Once, I participated a group of four members to prepare a presentation for our English lesson at school. My team was full of enthusiasm and eager to prepare an excellent presentation that we hope will have the admiration of our teacher and our classmates.
    Our goal was to prepare a lesson that includes the four skills of English and present it to our classmates. So, we sat together and put a plan showing everyone's role. We discussed our goal and the steps we should follow to fulfill it effectively. We also agreed that everyone should deny himself and work as a teamwork.
    Before we started, we showed our teacher the outline of our plan and she gave us some advices about some points. What distinguished our team that was every member of our team was good at one skill of English English. One of us was good at grammar, another one was good at speaking and listening to English. The other two members were good at the applications of the computer. We began our plan with searching for an exciting topic that would show our abilities and that hadnít been presented by any of other groups before. For that purpose, we borrowed some books from the library and began to browse them until we found our target. It was a story about a man and his dog. It showed how was the dog loyal and how it could save his friend from certain death. We decided to divide the story into three parts, two to be told to the class and the third part to be guessed through asking them ," what do you think will happen next? "While working in the presentation, we needed to use some pictures from the story , so we had to go the computer lab and looked for a scanner, but we didnít find one. Then, we asked one of our classmates who helped us and brought his scanner. We started to paraphrase the whole story using different ideas everyone had. That presentation took about two weeks to be finished. Before the day of the presentation, we sat with our teacher and showed her our work and the steps we followed to finish it. She admired the presentation and praised our cooperation and considered us an ideal group.
    We displayed our work on the following day, and our classmate interacted well with our story and thanked us greatly for our effort.

  2. #2
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: please, check this paragraph

    Working in a team

    Everyone of us has worked in a team at some point. Some find it enjoyable, others find it difficult. Their role (who's role? the team members' roles?) differs according to their abilities and aims at achieving the team's goal in the end.

    I have had a great experience with team work. Once, I participated in a group of four members to prepare a presentation for our English lesson at school. My team was full of enthusiasm and eager to prepare and deliver an excellent presentation that we hope will have would earn the admiration of our teacher and our classmates.

    Our goal was to prepare a lesson that included the four skills of English and present it to our classmates. So, we sat together and put drew up (or came up with)a plan showing everyone's role. We discussed our goal and the steps we should follow to fulfill (achieve) it effectively. We also agreed that everyone should deny himself ( not be individualistic) and but work as a teamwork.

    Before we started, we showed our teacher the outline of our plan and she gave us some advices about some points. What distinguished our team that was was that every member of our team was good at one skill of English English. One of us was good at grammar(,) while another one was good at speaking and listening to in English. The other two members were good at the applications of the computer. We began our plan with searching for an exciting topic that would show our abilities and one that hadnít been presented by any of other groups before. For that purpose, we borrowed some books from the library and began to browse through them until we found our target. It was a story about a man and his dog. It showed how was the dog was loyal and how it could save his friend from certain death's life. We decided to divide the story into three parts, two to be told to the class and the third part to be guessed through asking them seek participation from the class by asking them questions eg.," what do you think will happen next? "While working in on the presentation, we needed to use some pictures from the story , so we had to go the computer lab and looked to look for a scanner, but we didnít find one. Then, we asked one of our classmates who helped us and brought to bring his scanner. We started to paraphrase the whole story using different ideas from everyone had. That presentation took about two weeks to be finished complete. Before the day A day before of the presentation, we sat with our teacher and showed her our work and explained the steps we followed to finish it. She admired the our presentation and praised our spirit of cooperation and considered us an ideal group.
    We displayed our work on the following day, and our classmate interacted responded well with to our story and thanked us greatly for our effort.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: please, check this paragraph

    I added my revisions in blue alongside the revisions of Gillnetter (his are red). Please note that I didn't edit the last paragraph.

    The Joys of Teamwork
    (only a suggestion)

    Everyone of us has worked with a team at some point in his or her life. Some find working with people enjoyable while others find it unbearable. Roles are determined by one's ability and aims at plan for achieving the team's ultimate goal in the end. I don't understand this sentence.
    Be careful of using "Everyone" unless you know for sure that everyone has done something.

    I also suggest that you provide a clear thesis/aim in the introductory paragraph. This paragraph needs a conclusive end.

    Personally, I have had a great experiences with teams work. Once (be more specific as to when this event took place), I participated in a group of four members that had to prepare a presentation for our lesson plan for our English class. My team was full of enthusiasm and eagerness to The thought of preparing an excellent presentation made my team enthused and eager. that wWe hope hoped will would have getdesired admiration from our teacher and our peers.

    Our goal was to prepare a lesson plan that includes included (I suggest that you use the word OVER instead of "that included") the four skills of English. We wanted to present this to the classmates without any mistakes. So, we sat together and put a plan together showing everyone'sassigned responsibilities. We discussed our main goals and the steps needed to accomplish them. We also agreed that everyone should deny himself andset aside their ego and work as a teamwork team to create an effective presentation. ("deny himself" isn't clear, so I inserted an alternative.)

  4. #4
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: please, check this paragraph

    ahme
    It's interesting to see three different versions of the edited text. Aren't you lucky.

    one more point -
    You say you interact with people, not with a story.

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