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Thread: style question

  1. Yves_W's Avatar

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    #1

    style question

    Hi, folks.

    It's the first time that I ask questions here. Nice to meet you.

    Please see the sentences as follows:

    1
    Mossolini, hard pressed by Sanctions, and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", would, it was whispered, welcome a compromise of Abyssinia. (Winston S. Churchill, The second World War)

    2
    By that time, the President's plans, both military and political, went far advanced. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle)

    3
    Now the crisis, from de Gaulle's point of view, was boiling up nicely. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle)

    4
    Similar in principle to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas is the setting off by commas of phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence. (William Strunk JR., The Elements of Style)
    If these sentences were written by me, they would be:

    1'
    It was whispered that hard pressed by Sanctions and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", Mossolini would welcome a compromise of Abyssinia.

    2'
    By that time, the President's both military and political plans went far advanced.

    3'
    Now from de Gaulle's point of view, the crisis was boiling up nicely.

    4'
    In principle, similar to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas, phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence should be set off by commas.
    In fact, my version is just the same as what the original sentences have been translated as in the Chinese version of those books where the sentences come. So you can see some difference between English and Chinese, which I regard as a big obstacle to my English writing.


    Would you please tell me what is the difference between the authors' version and mine, and why the authors chose their method of expressing?


    I would be most grateful if you could give me some advice about improving English writing on my own. It's too expensive and not easy for me to seek the instruction from native-speaking English teachers in China.


    Any comments are welcome.
    Last edited by Yves_W; 03-Jul-2010 at 20:32.

  2. Yves_W's Avatar

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    #2

    Re: style question

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Yves_W
    Hi, folks.

    It's the first time that I ask questions here. Nice to meet you.

    Please see the sentences as follows:
    1
    Mossolini (Mussolini), hard pressed by sanctions, and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", would, it was whispered, welcome a compromise of Abyssinia. (Winston S. Churchill, The Second World War) I believe that the word after compromise is "on", not "of". Yes, you are right.

    1'
    It was whispered that hard pressed by sanctions and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", Mussolini would welcome a compromise on Abyssinia.
    Is it OK? Any difference?

    2
    By that time, the President's plans, both military and political, went far advanced. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle) Could it be that the word is not "went" but "were"? Yes, you are right.


    2'
    By that time, the President's both military and political plans went far advanced.
    The second version is incorrect. It isn't the President's both, it is the President's plans. Can I say "both (OR both of) the President's military and political plans"?

    3
    Now the crisis, from de Gaulle's point of view, was boiling up nicely. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle)

    3'
    Now, from de Gaulle's point of view, the crisis was boiling up nicely.
    Not much difference between the two.

    4
    Similar in principle to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas is the setting off by commas of phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence. (William Strunk JR., The Elements of Style)

    4'
    In principle, similar to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas, phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence should be set off by commas.
    There is a difference here in how "principal" is used. In the first version it is "similar in principle", in the second version it is "in principle".
    If these sentences were written by me, they would be:
    1'
    It was whispered that hard pressed by Sanctions and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", Mossolini would welcome a compromise of Abyssinia.

    2'
    By that time, the President's both military and political plans went far advanced.

    3'
    Now from de Gaulle's point of view, the crisis was boiling up nicely.

    4'
    In principle, similar to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas, phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence should be set off by commas.
    In fact, my version is just the same as what the original sentences have been translated as in the Chinese version of those books where the sentences come. So you can see some difference between English and Chinese, which I regard as a big obstacle to my English writing.


    Would you please tell me what is the difference between the authors' version and mine, and why the authors chose their method of expressing?
    There are no simple answers to what style an author uses or why that style is used. Much depends on the education and training of an author.

    I would be most grateful if you could give me some advice about improving English writing on my own. It's too expensive and not easy for me to seek the instruction from native-speaking English teachers in China.
    I see little wrong with your writing. The manner in which you use words will change as you read more. I find my style, if there is any, is quite Chinglish, and sometimes I feel it is odd.

    Any comments are welcome.

    Gil
    Thank you very much.


    • Join Date: Jul 2010
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    #3

    Re: style question

    Quote Originally Posted by Yves_W View Post
    Hi, folks.

    It's the first time that I ask questions here. Nice to meet you.

    Please see the sentences as follows:

    1
    Mossolini, hard pressed by Sanctions, and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", would, it was whispered, welcome a compromise of Abyssinia. (Winston S. Churchill, The second World War)

    2
    By that time, the President's plans, both military and political, went far advanced. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle)

    3
    Now the crisis, from de Gaulle's point of view, was boiling up nicely. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle)

    4
    Similar in principle to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas is the setting off by commas of phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence. (William Strunk JR., The Elements of Style)
    If these sentences were written by me, they would be:

    1'
    It was whispered that hard pressed by Sanctions and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", Mossolini would welcome a compromise of Abyssinia.

    2'
    By that time, the President's both military and political plans went far advanced.

    3'
    Now from de Gaulle's point of view, the crisis was boiling up nicely.

    4'
    In principle, similar to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas, phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence should be set off by commas.
    In fact, my version is just the same as what the original sentences have been translated as in the Chinese version of those books where the sentences come. So you can see some difference between English and Chinese, which I regard as a big obstacle to my English writing.


    Would you please tell me what is the difference between the authors' version and mine, and why the authors chose their method of expressing?


    I would be most grateful if you could give me some advice about improving English writing on my own. It's too expensive and not easy for me to seek the instruction from native-speaking English teachers in China.


    Any comments are welcome.
    Hi,

    Thanks very much for this comment. It help me to think about my ideals.

    Apart from that, this link below may be useful: humanresources.hrvinet.com/education-interview-questions/
    Tks again and pls keep posting.
    Last edited by jerryvn01; 29-Jul-2010 at 09:34.

  3. Yves_W's Avatar

    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 12
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    #4

    Re: style question

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    Please see the sentences as follows:
    1
    Mossolini (Mussolini), hard pressed by sanctions, and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", would, it was whispered, welcome a compromise of Abyssinia. (Winston S. Churchill, The Second World War) I believe that the word after compromise is "on", not "of". Yes, you are right.

    1'
    It was whispered that hard pressed by sanctions and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", Mussolini would welcome a compromise on Abyssinia.
    Is it OK? Any difference? No.

    2
    By that time, the President's plans, both military and political, went far advanced. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle) Could it be that the word is not "went" but "were"? Yes, you are right.


    2'
    By that time, the President's both military and political plans went far advanced.
    The second version is incorrect. It isn't the President's both, it is the President's plans. Can I say "both (OR both of) the President's military and political plans"?
    If you are going to use "both", it should be before military and political. There are other ways to write it but they are not so clear.

    By that time, the President's plans, both of them, military and political, were far advanced.
    3
    Now the crisis, from de Gaulle's point of view, was boiling up nicely. (Brian Crozier, De Gaulle)

    3'
    Now, from de Gaulle's point of view, the crisis was boiling up nicely.
    Not much difference between the two.

    4
    Similar in principle to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas is the setting off by commas of phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence. (William Strunk JR., The Elements of Style)

    4'
    In principle, similar to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas, phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence should be set off by commas.
    There is a difference here in how "principal" is used. In the first version it is "similar in principle", in the second version it is "in principle".

    If these sentences were written by me, they would be:
    1'
    It was whispered that hard pressed by Sanctions and under the very heavy threat of "fifty nations led by one", Mossolini would welcome a compromise of Abyssinia.

    2'
    By that time, the President's both military and political plans went far advanced.

    3'
    Now from de Gaulle's point of view, the crisis was boiling up nicely.

    4'
    In principle, similar to the enclosing of parenthetic expressions between commas, phrases or dependent clauses preceding or following the main clause of a sentence should be set off by commas.
    In fact, my version is just the same as what the original sentences have been translated as in the Chinese version of those books where the sentences come. So you can see some difference between English and Chinese, which I regard as a big obstacle to my English writing.


    Would you please tell me what is the difference between the authors' version and mine, and why the authors chose their method of expressing?
    There are no simple answers to what style an author uses or why that style is used. Much depends on the education and training of an author.

    I would be most grateful if you could give me some advice about improving English writing on my own. It's too expensive and not easy for me to seek the instruction from native-speaking English teachers in China.
    I see little wrong with your writing. The manner in which you use words will change as you read more. I find my style, if there is any, is quite Chinglish, and sometimes I feel it is odd. You might want to read more novels. I suggest, "The Old Man and the Sea", by Ernest Hemingway and, "The Red Pony", by John Steinbeck.
    Thank you very much.

    Could you give me some advice about how to take full advantage of reading novels?
    In my experience, usually I was attracted by the plots but learned little about writing.
    Last edited by Yves_W; 07-Jul-2010 at 17:15.

  4. Yves_W's Avatar

    • Join Date: Jun 2010
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    #5

    Re: style question

    Quote Originally Posted by jerryvn01 View Post
    Hi,

    Thanks very much for this comment. It help me to think about my ideals.

    Tks again and pls keep posting.
    Hi, nice to meet you here.

    Could you share with me anything about your ideals?
    Perhaps being an English in China?


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