Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    zahrani3480 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Saudi Arabia
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    11
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default School System in USA(Integrated Essay)

    Hi, I wrote this integrated essay when I was practicing TOEFL Exam. I would like someone to correct it and thanks in advance.
    Reading stated that the school system in the United States was taken from Europe. Students will be divided into groups based on their ages. Children will start studying at school when they are 6 years old. The system is divided into three grades, primary grade, intermediate grade and high school grade.
    The lecturer stated that the system did not take into account the individual differences between students. All of the students will start studying first grade withregardless their maturity. Some students will start learning at age 6 or 7 years while they are not ready due to lack of maturity, mentality or physical readiness. On the other hand, some students will start studying the first grade while they should start studying earlier than 6 years. Moreover, students who did not meet the minimum standard in some lessons, they should repeat the whole lessonswhich in turn affect the students’ performance because they will be bored.
    The lecturer concluded that the United States’ school system must be changed to be more flexible and to overcome the weak points that mentioned above and to give interest for students to study.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    19,667
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: School System in USA(Integrated Essay)

    Quote Originally Posted by zahrani3480 View Post
    Hi, I wrote this integrated essay when I was practicing TOEFL Exam. I would like someone to correct it and thanks in advance.

    Reading [What or Who is Reading? You probably need a footnote here] stated that the school system in the United States was taken from Europe. Students will be divided into groups based on their ages. [Why the change to future tense?] Children will start studying at school when they are 6 years old. The system is divided into three grades, primary grade, intermediate grade and high school grade. Why now the present tense?] Three 'sections', or 'levels' might be better, since "grade" already has a meaning, and is equated with a year.
    The lecturer [Is Reading the lecturer?] stated that the system did not take into account the individual differences between students. All of the students will start studying first grade with regardless of their maturity. Some students will start learning at age 6 or 7 years while they are not ready due to lack of maturity, mentality or physical readiness. On the other hand, some students will start studying the first grade while they should start studying earlier than 6 years. Moreover, students who did not meet the minimum standard in some lessons, they should repeat the whole lessons which in turn affects the students’ performance, because they will be bored.
    [Not sure exactly what you're saying here ]
    The lecturer concluded that the United States’ school system must be changed to be more flexible and to overcome the weak points that mentioned above and to provide interest material for students to study.
    You can't change from one tense to another without motive. This is the major problem. Ideally, this should have been based on the present tense.
    Otherwise it's OK.
    What's an integrated essay?

  3. #3
    zahrani3480 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Saudi Arabia
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    11
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default The integrated essay

    Dear Sirs
    Really, I am so grateful for the helpful comments that you posted on my essay and I would like to explain for you how the integrated essay exam is. In the integrated essay exam first, I will read a short reading passage within three minutes, then I will hear a lecture about the same topic, the lecturer may agree with points that mentioned in the reading passage or may cast a doubt on them. My task is to write an integrated essay that contains the main points from the reading passage and the lecture; the points may be contradicting or supporting each others. So, when I say “the reading stated” I mean the points that mentioned in the reading part and when I say the lecturer I mean” the man or woman who mentioned the points in the lecture”
    The skills that I should I have are paraphrasing, synthesizing and summarizing the points from the reading passage and lecture. However, the checklist for correcting an integrated essay is
    ü The essay answers the topic question.
    ü Inaccuracies in the content are minor.
    ü The essay is direct and well-organized.
    ü The sentences are logically connected.
    ü Details and examples support the main idea.
    ü The writer expresses complete thoughts.
    ü A wide range of vocabulary is used.
    ü The writer paraphrase in his/her own words.
    ü The writer credits the author with wording.
    ü Errors in grammar and idioms are minor.
    ü The essay within a range of 150-225 words

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    19,667
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The integrated essay

    Quote Originally Posted by zahrani3480 View Post
    Dear Sirs
    Really, I am so grateful for the helpful comments that you posted on my essay and I would like to explain for [to] you
    how what an integrated essay exam is. In the integrated essay exam first, I will read a short reading passage within three minutes, then I will hear a lecture about the same topic. The lecturer may agree with points that are/were mentioned in the reading passage or may cast a doubt on them. My task is to write an integrated essay that contains the main points from the reading passage and the lecture: the points may be contradicting or supporting each others. So, when I say “the reading stated” I mean the points that are/were mentioned in the reading part and when I say the lecturer I mean ”the man or woman who mentioned the points in the lecture”
    The skills that I should I have are paraphrasing, synthesizing and summarizing the points from the reading passage and lecture. However, the checklist for correcting an integrated essay is
    ü The essay answers the topic question.
    ü Inaccuracies in the content are minor.
    ü The essay is direct and well-organized.
    ü The sentences are logically connected.
    ü Details and examples support the main idea.
    ü The writer expresses complete thoughts.
    ü A wide range of vocabulary is used.
    ü The writer paraphrases in his/her own words.
    ü The writer credits the author with wording.
    ü Errors in grammar and idioms are minor.
    ü The essay is within a range of 150-225 words

    Thank you, zahrani, for that definition.

Similar Threads

  1. A manual system versus an online system.
    By johnq in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-Mar-2010, 03:55
  2. help me please I wanna write essay 'why i wanna study in usa?'
    By THE_END in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 06-Oct-2009, 13:11
  3. [Essay] School essay
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-Aug-2008, 13:48
  4. School System
    By Emmanuel OA in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 23-Sep-2004, 02:49

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •