Hi, I wrote this integrated essay when I was practicing TOEFL Exam. I would like someone to correct it and thanks in advance.
Reading stated that the school system in the United States was taken from Europe. Students will be divided into groups based on their ages. Children will start studying at school when they are 6 years old. The system is divided into three grades, primary grade, intermediate grade and high school grade.
The lecturer stated that the system did not take into account the individual differences between students. All of the students will start studying first grade withregardless their maturity. Some students will start learning at age 6 or 7 years while they are not ready due to lack of maturity, mentality or physical readiness. On the other hand, some students will start studying the first grade while they should start studying earlier than 6 years. Moreover, students who did not meet the minimum standard in some lessons, they should repeat the whole lessonswhich in turn affect the students’ performance because they will be bored.
The lecturer concluded that the United States’ school system must be changed to be more flexible and to overcome the weak points that mentioned above and to give interest for students to study.
Really, I am so grateful for the helpful comments that you posted on my essay and I would like to explain for you how the integrated essay exam is. In the integrated essay exam first, I will read a short reading passage within three minutes, then I will hear a lecture about the same topic, the lecturer may agree with points that mentioned in the reading passage or may cast a doubt on them. My task is to write an integrated essay that contains the main points from the reading passage and the lecture; the points may be contradicting or supporting each others. So, when I say “the reading stated” I mean the points that mentioned in the reading part and when I say the lecturer I mean” the man or woman who mentioned the points in the lecture”
The skills that I should I have are paraphrasing, synthesizing and summarizing the points from the reading passage and lecture. However, the checklist for correcting an integrated essay is
ü The essay answers the topic question.
ü Inaccuracies in the content are minor.
ü The essay is direct and well-organized.
ü The sentences are logically connected.
ü Details and examples support the main idea.
ü The writer expresses complete thoughts.
ü A wide range of vocabulary is used.
ü The writer paraphrase in his/her own words.
ü The writer credits the author with wording.
ü Errors in grammar and idioms are minor.
ü The essay within a range of 150-225 words