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  1. #1
    HaraKiriBlade's Avatar
    HaraKiriBlade is offline Member
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    Default [Proofread please] Only if I could write like this in real world...

    My dad received a letter from a company that does small claims, and it basically stated that we must pay up $1,000 for violating their client's lease term. My dad was furious about it, but I was even more furious to the point where I wrote this mock-up response letter. I won't actually send this letter to them, since it shows my true feelings regarding this matter without covering it up with... 'civilized English'? (I meant to say something different, but can't come up with any words / phrases... can you think of any?)

    Anyways, please take a look at the quoted. It's rude, aggressive, uncivilized and highly unlikely to be used in real world, but it doesn't contain any direct profanities.

    Dear Sir / Madam

    Your arrogance truely disgusts me. "I demand"? How conceited of you. Let me ask a few questions. If you truely believe we have violated the lease term back then, why address it now as opposed to back then? why four years of silence? have you been scheming something? As far as we're concerned, we did express our intention to terminate the tenancy about a month and a half prior to leaving, and since the superintendant told us we should've had notified at least two months before, we forfeited a month worth of rent. That's right, the amount you're claiming to us, we already paid.

    Now, can YOU prove that we didn't notify our vacancy on time? Whatever documents / cheques / verbal agreements exchanged in regards to our tenancy was between us and the superintendant at the time. We did not directly deal with your client. Who knows what could've happened between us and your client? I don't know how many other middle-persons there could've been, and I find your letter, telling us to pay up within the specified time period, to be very absurd. You haven't explained anything, and you're not giving us enough time to deal with this.

    The letter specifies that it was issued on 20th, but we can't help but think that you rigged the number. We received this letter on May 27, and this is a domestic letter, which shouldn't have taken more than a day to get here. And the letter specifies that we pay up before May 30. Instead of giving us time to review this matter and take approperiate measures, you had to resort to this cheap surprize attack. This is a clear evidence of your futile, pathetic attempt to rob us blind.

    Let me tell you something. "I demand" you stop this nonsense right now, otherwise we'll be in full motion to counter-sue you and your client for fraud. We'll also hold you liable for a certain amount of compensation. We run a fair-sized convenience store, and now our hands are tied because we have to deal with your false allegation. At least one member of our family has to deal with this, meaning there's at least one less person to work at the store. This seriously affects our business and put unnecessary strain on our personal lives. We'll hold you liable for all this plus every cost involved in dealing with this mess. We're thinking approximate amount of $5,000.

    If you're still willing to fight this war, do what you have to do. Just don't tell us you haven't been warned.

    Regards,

    HaraKiriBlade

    Please correct anything you deem odd - not just the quoted, but the whole post. Thank you very much.
    Last edited by HaraKiriBlade; 28-May-2005 at 21:00.

  2. #2
    mykwyner is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: [Proofread please] Only if I could write like this in real world...

    Dear HKB, I wouldn't put that much effort into responding to a claim like that one. Those companies only expect about 5 to 10 percent of the people they threaten to be intimidated enough to actually pay up. I was in retail business for 25 years, I've written plenty of letters for occasions like this. This is what one looks like:

    Dear Sirs:

    Our company records (which I can produce in court) indicate that we honored all the terms of the lease you mentioned. Therefore, we do not owe any additional funds, and we will not pay the amount you demanded, or any part of it, now or ever.

    You may continue to feel that your claim is legitimate, and that your demands and threats are justified. If that is the case, and you continue to harass me to collect this money, then I will turn this matter over to our attorneys.

    Yours truly, Blah Blah Blah

    In America we call this "calling his bluff."

  3. #3
    HaraKiriBlade's Avatar
    HaraKiriBlade is offline Member
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    Default Re: [Proofread please] Only if I could write like this in real world...

    I know what they're doing is empty threat. Small claims are only valid for two years from the point of the incident. (At least that's how it is in Canada I believe)

    mykwyner, I really like your example! very clean-cut and brief, and yet there's nothing missing. It's very cynical and has "I couldn't care less" attitude that my letter doesn't have. Mine's just very... wordy.

    In America we call this "calling his bluff."
    You mean the small claims company is calling their bluff? or is it you, as a person writing the reply to the company, calling your bluff?

  4. #4
    mykwyner is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: [Proofread please] Only if I could write like this in real world...

    To bluff someone is to intimidate him without any substance to the threat. Calling his bluff means to force the other person (the bluffer) to make good on his threat or back down.

  5. #5
    HaraKiriBlade's Avatar
    HaraKiriBlade is offline Member
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    Exclamation Re: [Proofread please] Only if I could write like this in real world...

    Oh and can someone proofread my post and correct anything odd? I do know that my letter's useless, I just want to get it fixed for the sake of learning English. mykwyner's example is great, and I'll probably memorize his example to the point of being able to recite it vervatimly so that it becomes mine, my English.

    But for now I want my letter corrected.

    What I'm trying to do is... hmm here's where my English reaches its current limit... I can't explain it in the manner I want. Anywayz, What I'm trying to do is fix any errors I have in my 'perceptive' English, which has my logic, my way of thinking, and my perception, as opposed to anyone else's. It's my own, I already have it engraved in my brain, so by getting those corrected I learn the fastest, as I get to skip many steps involved in learning. I believe that is a part of 'taking control of English'. Hope I made any sense
    Last edited by HaraKiriBlade; 29-May-2005 at 20:12.

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: [Proofread please] Only if I could write like this in real world...

    I'll start:

    Your arrogance TRULY disgusts me. "I demand"? How conceited of you! Let me ask a few questions. If you TRULY believe we VIOLAATED the lease term back then, why address it now as opposed to back then? Why four years of silence? Have you been PLOTTING something? As far as we're concerned, we did express our intention to terminate the tenancy about a month and a half prior to leaving, and since the superintendant told us we should've had notified at least two months before, we forfeited a month'S rent. That's right, the amount you're claiming FROM us, WHICH we already paid.

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