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  1. #1
    wongyong is offline Newbie
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    Smile Can anyone help editing my essay?

    Topic:
    Many childhood diseases can now be prevented throgh use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have right to choose not to immunise their children?

    Essay:
    Itís clear that with Science of Medicine and Pharmacy rapidly developed, parents do not concern as much as before about common childhood diseases for their children. They can use vaccines for their children to strengthen their immune ability against childhood diseases. I strongly recommend legislation to promote parents to do that.

    First of all, proper use of these protective medicines prevents children from childhood diseases. All these medicines have been experimentally tested and proved useful against common childhood diseases. In reality, thousands of children have been benefited from these protective medicines.

    Then, if every child has been immunized against these infectious diseases, these childhood diseases would be isolated and can hardly survive. Furthermore, it would greatly reduce the possibility of childhood diseases to spread among children. Children would have less change to be exposed to dangerous environment.

    Moreover, in aspect with the whole society, extensive uses of vaccines like medicines can raise its population quality into higher level by prevent children from common diseases. Children can grow healthier and stronger into adults and these effects can last for several generations

    Finally, proper use of vaccines like medicines keeps children out of infectious childhood diseases. Fewer children get infected and more medical resources are saved, which was planned to use for infected children. These medical resources can be used for other people.

    In a word, I absolutely advocate government to promote a law to make parents to immunize their children by using vaccines like medicines.

  2. #2
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Can anyone help editing my essay?

    Perhaps:
    .
    Parents do not worry as much as they used to about their children contracting diseases that could sometimes prove fatal.


  3. #3
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can anyone help editing my essay?

    Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made, by law, to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

    It’s clear that with Science of Medicine and Pharmacy rapidly developed the rapid development of medicine and pharmacy, parents do not concern as much as before are not so concerned about the threat of common childhood diseases for to their children. They can can use vaccines for their children have their children vaccinated to strengthen their immune ability boost their immunity against childhood diseases. I strongly recommend introducing legislation to promote ensure parents to play their part.

  4. #4
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can anyone help editing my essay?

    First of all, the proper use of these protective preventive medicines prevents protects children from childhood diseases. All these medicines have been experimentally tested and proved proven useful against common childhood diseases. In reality, thousands of children have been benefited from these protective preventive medicines.

    Then, If every child has been is immunized against these infectious diseases, these childhood the diseases would be isolated and can hardly would not survive. Furthermore, it would greatly reduce the possibility of childhood diseases to spreading among children. Children would have less change to be exposed to dangerous environment.The risk of children being exposed to diseases would be reduced.
    Moreover, in aspect with the whole society, extensive uses of vaccine-like medicines can raise its population quality into higher level by prevent children from common diseases. Children can grow healthier and stronger into adults and these effects can last for several generations

    The use of vaccines would reduce the incidence of diseases among children thereby raising the standard of health of the general populace. Children can grow up to be healthier and stronger adults if the effects can be sustained.

    FinallyIn conclusion, the proper use of vaccines like medicines (medicines like vaccines?) keeps children out of free from infectious childhood diseases. Fewer children get infected and more medical resources are saved, which was planned to use for infected children. Fewer incidence of the diseases would result in a saving of medical resources who could be put to use for other purposes. These medical resources can be used for other people. Fewer incidence of the diseases would result in a saving of medical resources which could be put to use for other purposes.
    Last edited by tedtmc; 07-Jul-2010 at 10:22.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can anyone help editing my essay?

    Note to wongyong:
    .
    Do not say in aspect with the whole society. (Say in society as a whole.) Do not say population quality.
    Also, vaccines are intended to protect children against diseases or prevent them from acquiring or contracting diseases. (Paying close attention to tedtmc's suggestions will benefit you greatly.)


  6. #6
    wongyong is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Can anyone help editing my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    Note to wongyong:
    .
    Do not say in aspect with the whole society. (Say in society as a whole.) Do not say population quality.
    Also, vaccines are intended to protect children against diseases or prevent them from acquiring or contracting diseases. (Paying close attention to tedtmc's suggestions will benefit you greatly.)

    Thank you, tedtmc and RonBee.

    I will study tedtmc's suggestions carefully. I think my problem is I cannot choose proper words and use them correctly to express my ideas.

    Do you have any suggestions about improving my vocabulary on specific topics? Any resouces I can access ?

    :D

  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can anyone help editing my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by wongyong View Post
    Thank you, tedtmc and RonBee.

    I will study tedtmc's suggestions carefully. I think my problem is I cannot choose proper words and use them correctly to express my ideas.

    Do you have any suggestions about improving my vocabulary on specific topics? Any resouces I can access ?

    :D
    Sure. Try googling legal terminology. Also medical terminology. There are other possibilities.

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