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    #1

    revising of one sentence

    Dear teachers,

    Would you be kind enough to tell me whether there is something redundant in the following sentence?

    We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

    Thanks for your efforts.

    Regards,

    V.

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    #2

    Re: revising of one sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by vil View Post
    Dear teachers,

    Would you be kind enough to tell me whether there is something redundant in the following sentence?

    We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

    Thanks for your efforts.

    Regards,

    V.
    ===Not a teacher===

    We must make sure that our original expected delivery date is mentioned in the order.

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    #3

    Re: revising of one sentence

    We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

    That's fine, Vil.

    Rover

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    #4

    Re: revising of one sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by vil View Post
    Dear teachers,

    Would you be kind enough to tell me whether there is something redundant in the following sentence?

    We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

    Thanks for your efforts.

    Regards,

    V.
    Since you are insisting, there's no need for 'should'. The subjunctive 'be' is possible here but I would more naturally write 'is'. You could argue that the 'must' is redundant but I would keep it as it is emphatic.

    If you want to make it even shorter, you could simply write 'require' (again, this can take the subjunctive 'be', but 'is' is more common). I would say that 'require' is more common in business correspondence but less emphatic than 'must insist' - I'd probably write 'must insist' though for emphasis if, for example, there'd been a prior suggestion by the addressee that they wouldn't indicate the estimated delivery date on the order. So:

    "We [must insist/require] that our original estimated delivery date is indicated in the order."

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