would you like to correct this letter

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sayla

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Joined
Jun 10, 2010
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Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Hong Kong
Current Location
New Zealand
this is my final version. i need lots of comment.

"Dear sir or madam,



I am writing this email to asking more information about enrollment of ESOL 201.


I am a graduate and i find that my writing is creating me quite many obstacles. That i am still writing unclear statements pass to my reader false idea of what i mean. It could possibly block me to write better English in future job fields.


I certain taking this course can gain me more confidents to remove this obstacles.


I am a graduate. Is it possible for a graduate to enroll this course? I would like to know any possible enrollment for my situation.


I would appreciate it if you could guide me in the right path for enrollment or if the department will be able to give me a possible enrollment.


Looking forward to hear from you soon"
 
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cloa513

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Australia
Current Location
Japan
As far as having your meaning clear then its fine. While we could offer many corrections, I'd say the errors in the letter itself demonstrate your need for the course.
 
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