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  1. #1
    Ermaks is offline Newbie
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    Post Would you please proofread my Short Story(180 words long)- Thank you!

    The task was to write a short story which began or ended with :

    If I had know what was going to happen, I would never have made that phone call.

    Author
    : Ernesto Luis Barrionuevo Sastre
    Title :The Call

    The Call
    It all started with a joke between some friends of mine on Friday night at my house.At the time, we were discussing about how the FBI worked,when Jack came up with the idea of making a prank call to the FBI.

    Although Steve warned us about it,I made the call myself.I picked up the phone, dialed the number and soon it was calling. As soon as somebody picked up, I started threatening them that I was planning to bomber their headquarter.Immediately after they hanged up we bursted out laughing.

    At the end of the day, I was preparing to go to bed when I heard some noise outside.It sounded like quick footsteps on the porche.And yet it seemed that nobody was out there.

    All of a sudden,I heard the entrance door being banged.Before I could do anything, a dozen of men in black bursted into my room,aimed me with guns, and yelled “FBI.Put your hands up”

    I had to explain everything to them .Certainly, If I had know what was going to happen, I would never have made that phone call.
    Last edited by Ermaks; 19-Jul-2010 at 01:19. Reason: Forgot the task

  2. #2
    Ermaks is offline Newbie
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    Re: Would you please proofread my Short Story(180 words long)- Thank you!

    Thank you very much.It was very helpful

    PD:sorry for the delay

  3. #3
    Abbey55 is offline Newbie
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    Re: Would you please proofread my Short Story(180 words long)- Thank you!

    I am not a teacher

    I think "If I had know" being corrected as corect should have been
    'If I had known'?

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