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  1. #1
    smaila's Avatar
    smaila is offline Junior Member
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    Post So Unfair " my story"

    The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the farmers were Working, while Sarah was opening her very small mysterious clever eyes. Sarah was a thirteen- year- old girl. She lived with her parents and her only brother Sami in a small beautiful village. Sami was a sweet, jealous, shy, and weak, 10 year- old boy. Sami believed that Sarah hated him very much because their mum and dad loved him more than Sarah. They always brought and didwhat Sami wanted and went where Sami liked to go. like there was no Sarah ,but Sarah loved him very much in her insides however he’s still her young brother . Sami was jealous of Sarah because she was better than him in school but their parents didn't care about that they just cared that he is a boy, even though Sami was always getting bad marks. It was Sunday and Sarah was coming from school now while Sami was lying on his bed pretending that he was sick, Sarah rushed into Sami’s room and opened the door and said excitedly: Sami I’m going to America I’m going to America , Sami was very shocked and said : what ? but why? and how? That’s impossible I’m not going to be alone at the school. Sarah told him that the school gave her a scholarship to study whatever she wanted in Washington. Then she said in a very low voice: But remember it's a secret don't tell mum or dad. Sami promised not to tell them, and then he slept away. Sarah went to her room while she was thinking what to study. It was the happiest day in her life. Now the mother was calling:”Sami Sarah the food is ready”. Sarah was starving so she jumped from her desk. While
    Sami was shouting:” Mum come her please “. In one second his mum and dad were in his room they said nervously in one voice:” what's up honey is there anything wrong?” Sami said: “no but I want to eat in my room I can't walk I’m very tired”. The next day they were all setting around the table having dinner silently, suddenly Sami said: “Sarah today they gave a scholarship to all the good students, didn't they give you a one?? Their parents were looking in Sarah's eyes then Sarah said: emmm yeah that's right they gave me a one and went to her room. The parents tried so hard to take the scholarship from Sarah and give it to Sami but everybody told them that Sarah should leave the scholarship. They tried with Sarah in many ways but the scholarship in Sarah's hand was like a paper sticked with glue. Sarah was now 18 this year she was going to America after 5 years of pain living with her the family that hated her. She was in the plane now going to Washington. She studied Politics for 5 years then she went back to her village. She was now a very important person in her village. She opened a huge Foundation to educate parents of non-discrimination between males and females. It also educated females to be strong and face their unfair parents. Sarah is now a mum for two girls and a boy she was very fair with them and she loved all of them. She forgot all the pain that she lived it in the past. She is also visiting her old parents in their house and Sami in his own clothes shop.
    Last edited by smaila; 24-Jul-2010 at 22:46.

  2. #2
    smaila's Avatar
    smaila is offline Junior Member
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    Smile Re: So Unfair " my story"

    Hi everybody i'm a 14 year old student and so unfair is my first work in English, please read it correct it if it has something wrong "i'm sure it does" and correct any mistakes in this post too ,,:D and thanks alot,,!:D
    Last edited by smaila; 24-Jul-2010 at 22:42.

  3. #3
    BobK's Avatar
    BobK is online now Harmless drudge
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    Re: So Unfair " my story"

    For a 14-yr-old's first work this is extraordinarily good. I'm afraid it's longer than I am prepared to comment on in detail, and occasionally you could correct your own mistakes:
    ...her very small mysterious clever eyes...
    a sweet, jealous, shy, and weak, 10-year-old boy.
    See what I mean?

    b

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