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    • Join Date: Jul 2010
    • Posts: 21
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    #1

    Could you please proofread this short paragraph?

    My Objectives at Work for next year.

    1-
    I aim to obtain the support of my managers, in order to improve Institute’s Office at the Island, which currently contains: Notifications Section, Communicable Diseases Section and Mortuary Services, by providing all necessary requirements for these sections; to meet the needs of the community here and make them benefit from the services provided by the Institute.

    2-
    I aim to develop my skills and knowledge that may be useful in performing my career and fit my current job, due to my work in most of PHP sections; by attending the workshops and courses; Therefore, I’ve planed to start with a course in “Medical Terminology” which will be held on 4th October 2010, at the Institute.

    3-
    I aim to do my best to meet the needs of the community here at Delma Island, in order to rid their transactions at Institute’s Office here, Instead of having to travel outside the Island across the sea, reserving hotels and wasting their time and efforts.

    Regards,

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2006
    • Posts: 2,130
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    #2

    Re: Could you please proofread this short paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by yousefnofal View Post
    My Objectives at Work for next year.
    Small letters for objectives and work, colon at the end.

    1-
    I aim to obtain the support of my managers (,) in order to improve Institute’s Office at the Island(words other than special nouns should not be capitalized), which currently contains comprises/consists of : Notifications Section, Communicable Diseases Section and Mortuary Services (,) by providing all necessary requirements services for these sections; to meet the needs of the community here and make them benefit from the services provided by the Institute.

    2-
    I aim to develop my skills and knowledge that may be useful in performing developing my career and fit my current job, due to my work in most of PHP sections; by attending the workshops and courses; Therefore, I’ve planned to start with a course in “Medical Terminology” which will be held on 4th October 2010(,) at the Institute.

    3-
    I aim to do my best to meet the needs of the community here at Delma Island, in order to rid their transactions in terms of providing consultancy and advisory services at Institute’s Office here, Iinstead of having to travel outside out of the Island , across the sea, reserving hotels and wasting their time and efforts.

    Regards,
    You usually say your objective is to 'do something', not to 'aim to do something'.


    • Join Date: Jul 2010
    • Posts: 21
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    #3

    Re: Could you please proofread this short paragraph?

    Many thanks my dear.

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