Not a teacher, its pretty good and understandable, though I would make a few alterations.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express my total dissatisfaction with the "Beautiful Japanese Figure" I recently bought from your mail-order company. The catalogue advertisement was definetely misleading on a number of points.
First of all, when I opened the package I realised that the sculpture was damaged, with
somepieces of gypsum spread throughout the inside of thebox. In addition to this, the little sculpture bears more of a resemblance to a Dutch woman than a Japanese Geisha.
To make matters worse, the catalogue said that if I
would havepurchased the product between June 19th and July 31st, which I did, I would receive a the20% ofdiscount, as well as a free wooden representation of the legendary and traditional Fenghuang that accompanied every geisha, beautifying her with its scarlet plumage; however, the price reduction has not been taken into account and the red bird has not been included in my package.
On top of everything, the advertisement said that
thedelivery would take a week, to make the departure when, yet I had to wait exactly 21 days to receive my goods.
You can imagine how upset I am with the appalling situation you have put me in. Thus, I believe I am entitled to a prompt apology, as well as any product by way of compensation added to the
right model inoriginal order, in good condition. Otherwise, I will be forced to take further and possibly legal measures.
I hope that helps, I may have made some mistakes but this seems to flow better to me.
Another note - the section, 'I believe I am entitled to a prompt apology, as well as any product by way of compensation.....' Perhaps just 'I believe I am entitled to a prompt apology, as well as compensation.....' Sometimes compensation could be a refund, it might not be an additional product.
- For Teachers