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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Jul 2010
    • Posts: 385
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    #1

    Please correct my translation

    I have translated a piece of text from Persian to English. Would you please correct it for me?

    I could hear my father's breathes fading away. His coughs and snores (woud worry/worried) me more and more. I pulled the blanket up (to/untill) his neck and moved around the ashes on the charcoals to make to make them warmer, but the (appalling/terrible/awful) frost outside the house would trivialise their warmth. The wall was made of decayed wood, which the only things supporting them were (corroded/rusty) nails (creaking/squeaking/groaning) with every wind (that blew/blowing).

    Special thanks in advance.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Aug 2010
    • Posts: 16
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    #2

    Re: Please correct my translation

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathan Mckane View Post
    I have translated a piece of text from Persian to English. Would you please correct it for me?

    I could hear my father's (breathes) BREATH fading away. His coughs and snores (woud worry/worried) WORRIED me more and more. I pulled the blanket up (to/untill) TO his neck and (moved around the ashes on the charcoals) STIRRED THE CHARCOAL EMBERS to make to make them warmer, but the (appalling/terrible/awful) UNBEARABLE frost outside the house (would trivialise) UNDERMINED their warmth. The wall, WHICH was made of decayed wood (which the only things supporting them were) HELD TOGETHER BY (corroded/rusty) RUSTY nails, (creaking/squeaking/groaning) CREAKED AND GROANED with every (wind (that blew/blowing) GUST OF WIND.



    Special thanks in advance.

    Should it be the WALLS? I've tried to keep as much of the original as possible.

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