this is just a free response for english, and i've been looking at this essay much to long to properly edit it. help please ? (:



From first impression, you may gather that I am a petite short-haired (thank you for noticing my haircut) ethnic girl that sits in the back of your class and doesn't say much. I'd like to think my appearance is deceiving, but I might be wrong and I do look like the spiteful, dark-humored, and cranky old woman that I am. Hopefully this essay will give you a better idea of me, or at least how I'd like to portray myself.


People say that you're only as old as you feel, and if that statement holds true, then I am in my mid-to-late eighties. If power animals are real, mine is a widowed geriatric woman named Betsy who says sassy one-liners and whose favorite pastime is sitting on her lawn spraying teens with a hose and laughing to herself. I have come to terms with the fact that I can absolutely not relate to my age group's interests. While most stereotypical “teens” are apt to do “teen” “activities”, I am probably napping, marveling at the ways Martha Stewart can make a table setting both stylish and season-appropriate, or commenting on how today's youth is ignorant and in my day.. I find myself attracted to “grandmother” clothes, which includes slip-on gardening shoes, floral print, cardigans, knitted apparel, Christmas sweaters, and orthopedic inserts. I'm not sure whether this makes me “ahead of my time” or I should be very concerned of having some sort of mental condition where I am an old woman stuck in a 16-year-old Filipina girl's body.


I'm not sure if this is in closer correlation with my old lady issues or my over-analyticity, but I dislike most people. I consider myself observant to the point of figuring out someone within a short period of time. I think this is my strongest trait, but also one of my strongest drawbacks. I love listening to people, reading their social interactions, understanding their body language and perception and to really be in their shoes.. but that gets old, fast. After a bit, I can safely guess what they're going to say and do; after I “figure them out” in a sense, I get bored with them. It's awful, I know. This may also add some skepticism because it might have nothing to do with me being good at reading people and I'm actually a huge judgmental jerk and I deserve to have no friends. Whatever.


I have the worst sense of humor ever. This is the best example I can give you, and you can draw your own conclusion of me 'as a person' from it. My friend's (Aubrey Thompson, whom I believe is in your class) cousin Kourtnie, whom I happen to be friends with also, recently caught Bell's Palsy. Half of her face is slightly paralyzed and with physical therapy, she'll be back to normal(if that makes it any better). At first, I was inclined towards sympathy; “Oh, poor Kourtnie, I hope she's okay.” I suggested Aubrey to call her to see how she's doing and then realized.. she can't talk because half of her face is paralyzed. I then laughed for about twenty minutes and kept imagining Kourtnie, waking up one morning to find that she can't move half of her face and trying to get help..but she can't, because half of her face is paralyzed. It would all come out as mumbles and her family would think that she was trying to be funny doing an impression of Frankenstein or something. I'm fighting back laughter as I'm typing this. I'm pretty sure there's a special ring in Hell dedicated for people like me.


These are basically my most notable traits, in essay form. You can consider yourself fairly well-acquainted with me. I am, in essence, a cranky old lady who hates everyone and thinks dead baby jokes are funny. Most people don't look past the façade of appearances, and it's always important to keep in mind that people are not who they seem to be.