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  1. #1
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    Default I want to know my weakness, pleas correct my Essay

    In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

    Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



    One of the lessons in life is that a person has to be confident in making his decision, and for that to be obtained by the a person, a strategy need to be applied in that matter. Some people have the inborn skills to act against their decision and responsibility .
    What I am trying to say is that a child can gain his confidence, face his\her decisions and take action against his\her responsibility from communicate with the things around him, children can learn fast, that is one thing. On the other hand, In some countries when a child has nothing nothing to do in his free time, but might involving in bad activities, and spending his free time with un-beneficial things, in which will make him\her grow up with narrow perception, careless and become diffident, for lacking of exposure things around him\her. However,
    I believe that a paid work will be a good experience for a children in order to develop his\her skills in brainstorming with other people, and make it a good way to gain confidence in splendid manner, it can teach him\her that how to deal and talk with people? become lovely among them, strong in his decision and expand of perceptions .
    I experienced more than one event in that matter, I once went shopping with a friend of mine, and I stumbled by this child who was sitting with tare weight next to him, I almost stepped on the tare weight to see how much I weight, all of sudden the child stopped me, and asked me to pay first. I really admired that child's encouragement and his talk's pattern. I asked myself how come a child like that can speak in an delegate way like an adult, from my conclusion and search . He had gain that with time he used between school and his free time.
    In some conditions I totally support the child who is able to make a chance through a way eligible things, of course in some certain ages .



    Pleas correct my Essay

    Thanks ahead

  2. #2
    euncu's Avatar
    euncu is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: I want to know my weakness, pleas correct my Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by xmagedo View Post
    Please correct my essay.

    Thanks ahead in advance.
    The very thing that strikes the eye most is the use of he/she and him/her. Let alone being tedious to repeatedly write them, they are also controversial.
    Use "they" and "their" instead, which is the most convenient way and also, as I've mentioned above, this way you'll prevent any controversy.

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    Default Re: I want to know my weakness, pleas correct my Essay

    In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

    Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



    One of the lessons in life is that a person has to be confident in making his decision, and for that to be obtained by the a person, a strategy need to be applied in that matter. Some people have the inborn skills to act against their decision and responsibility .
    What I am trying to say is that a child can gain his confidence, face thei decisions and take action against their responsibility from communicate with the things around him, children can learn fast, that is one thing. On the other hand, In some countries when a child has nothing nothing to do in his free time, but might involving in bad activities, and spending his free time with un-beneficial things, in which will make them grow up with narrow perception, careless and become diffident, for lacking of exposure things around them. However,
    I believe that a paid work will be a good experience for a children in order to develop their skills in brainstorming with other people, and make it a good way to gain confidence in splendid manner, it can teach them that how to deal and talk with people? become lovely among them, strong in his decision and expand of perceptions .
    I experienced more than one event in that matter, I once went shopping with a friend of mine, and I stumbled by this child who was sitting with tare weight next to him, I almost stepped on the tare weight to see how much I weight, all of sudden the child stopped me, and asked me to pay first. I really admired that child's encouragement and his talk's pattern. I asked myself how come a child like that can speak in an delegate way like an adult, from my conclusion and search . He had gain that with time he used between school and his free time.
    In some conditions I totally support the child who is able to make a chance through a way eligible things, of course in some certain ages .


    Thank you for correcting me
    Now I fixed the mistake you have mentioned, will it be there any other mistakes .

    Thanks in advance

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