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  1. #1
    vil is offline VIP Member
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    Default revising of one sentence

    Dear teachers,

    Would you be kind enough to revise the following sentence? May I believe that you won’t find it a very time-consuming and burdensome job for you?

    I have fallen insensibly into this intrusive habit to sent post after post, both because it favors to quench my thirst for knowledge (not for “rakia”, as a wandering sheep of my fold told before) and because it affords me greater opportunity of communication with genuine prudent and quick-witted people.

    Thank you for your efforts.

    Regards,

    V.

  2. #2
    riquecohen's Avatar
    riquecohen is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by vil View Post
    Dear teachers,

    Would you be kind enough to revise the following sentence? May I believe that you won’t find it a very time-consuming and burdensome job for you?

    I have fallen insensibly into this intrusive habit to sent post after post, both because it favors to quench my thirst for knowledge (not for “rakia”, as a wandering sheep of my fold told before) and because it affords me greater opportunity of communication with genuine prudent and quick-witted people.

    Thank you for your efforts.

    Regards,

    V.
    On behalf of my many colleagues here at this site, I thank you for your compliment.
    "I believe that you won´t find it a very time-consuming or burdensome job."

  3. #3
    vil is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Probably I should write "I believe that you won´t find it a task beyond your strength"?

    V.

  4. #4
    riquecohen's Avatar
    riquecohen is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by vil View Post
    Probably I should write "I believe that you won´t find it a task beyond your strength"?

    V.
    You can, but this changes the meaning.

  5. #5
    vil is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Hi riquecohen,


    May I ask you what is up with my downright request to revise the following sentence?


    I have fallen insensibly into this intrusive habit to sent post after post, both because it favors to quench my thirst for knowledge (not for “rakia”, as a wandering sheep of my fold told before) and because it affords me greater opportunity of communication with genuine prudent and quick-witted people.

    In my humble opinion it is written in a much extended order and looks like a prehistoric dinosaur. My efforts to impart it a little more acceptable frame did not avail me. Will you come forward to my distress signal?

    I beg your pardon for my persistence.

    Regards,

    V.

  6. #6
    Tullia's Avatar
    Tullia is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by vil View Post
    Hi riquecohen,


    May I ask you what is up with my downright request to revise the following sentence?


    I have fallen insensibly into this intrusive habit to sent post after post, both because it favors to quench my thirst for knowledge (not for “rakia”, as a wandering sheep of my fold told before) and because it affords me greater opportunity of communication with genuine prudent and quick-witted people.

    In my humble opinion it is written in a much extended order and looks like a prehistoric dinosaur. My efforts to impart it a little more acceptable frame did not avail me. Will you come forward to my distress signal?

    I beg your pardon for my persistence.

    Regards,

    V.

    May I help clear up some apparent confusion?

    I would suggest your original post was faulty. The sentence following the request for someone to help with the "following sentence" was the one riquecohen did, in fact, offer help with.

    However if you want help with a different one, then I am sure he will be prepared to offer it as well.



    I have fallen insensibly into this intrusive habit to sent of submitting post after post, both because it favors helps to quench my thirst for knowledge (not for “rakia”, as a wandering sheep of my fold told said before) and because it affords me greater opportunity of communication with genuinely prudent and quick-witted people.

    habit of + gerund

    one submits posts (or posts them - but that would be an inelegant choice), not sends posts

    favors to + infinitive is not a valid construction in modern English.

    to tell, in this context, would require an object

    if genuine was meant as an adjective describing the people, it should have been followed by a comma. If it was meant to modify prudent, then it is an adverb and requires the -ly suffix.

    .

    There are many ways the sentence could be condensed or simplified; possibly too many too begin suggesting here. It is, as you put it, somewhat of a stylistic dinosaur but that is not automatically a problem, depending on the context in which you hope to use it. If you care to attempt a simplification yourself, I am sure people would comment on its accuracy for you.
    Last edited by Tullia; 16-Sep-2010 at 15:36.

  7. #7
    riquecohen's Avatar
    riquecohen is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by vil View Post
    Hi riquecohen,


    May I ask you what is up with my downright request to revise the following sentence?


    I have fallen insensibly into this intrusive habit to sent post after post, both because it favors to quench my thirst for knowledge (not for “rakia”, as a wandering sheep of my fold told before) and because it affords me greater opportunity of communication with genuine prudent and quick-witted people.

    In my humble opinion it is written in a much extended order and looks like a prehistoric dinosaur. My efforts to impart it a little more acceptable frame did not avail me. Will you come forward to my distress signal?

    I beg your pardon for my persistence.

    Regards,

    V.
    You probably should have started a new thread with this one, but I´ll give it a try here.

    "I have insensibly fallen into this intrusive habit of sending post after post because it both quenches my thirst for knowledge (not for rakia, as a wandering sheep of my fold has told me)and affords me the opportunity to communicate with genuinely prudent and quick-witted people."
    I would use fast-thinking rather than quick-witted.

    Having read Tullia´s comment, I now understand that you had already put this in another thread.
    Last edited by riquecohen; 16-Sep-2010 at 16:05.

  8. #8
    vil is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: revising of one sentence

    Hi Tullia,

    That’s smart work!

    I went into ecstasy following the faithful words rushed to your mouth. Thank you ever so much for doing your job. You was very efficient in yours work. I thought, it is impossible to disentangle such a catchy bit of work. Now, I know, I have dreamed for such a teacher all my live.

    Thank you again for your kindness.

    V.

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