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  1. #1
    Tes is offline Junior Member
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    Default would you please correct or point out my writing. Thank you.

    Hi everyone, Please correct my writing the way I see my mistakes and improve myself. This is practice not homework. Thank you in advance!


    It was March 2010 and it had been three months since I left my job. My jab was involved chemicals, which are dangerous for human. I was not interested risking my life in that situation so I left my job after nine month working for this company.

    However, after I left the job things didnít go as I planned and there was no body who understood how and why I left my job. The only tool that helped me express my self and tell my side of the story was my pen and paper through writing.

    Since I left my job because of dangerous working condition, I was expected to collect unemployment benefit while I was looking for another job. However my case was directed to hearing committee and my case was turned over. I got so frustrated, I tried to appeal but my attorney decided not to work with me no matter how much evidence I brought.

    At this point, I didnít gave up instead I became stronger to present myself but as long as I know myself, I was not good at talking. I then started putting my side of the story in words providing enough evidence of the risk I had to take working at that particular company. With that evidence, I appealed for a secondary hearing. I was told I had my evidence was not enough for a secondary hearing. So again, I started to write putting together that happened while I was working there. Again, I asked for another hearing. Finally, my request was accepted at this time, and I won my case.

    Thankfully, if I did not put my side of the story in words, I would have won the case. Iím glad I started writing. Writing helps me to express my self better than talking. When I write I think harder and I get to have the time to think of a word that expresses my self the best.

  2. #2
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    Smile Re: would you please correct or point out my writing. Thank you.

    It was March 2010, and it had been three months since I left my job. It is the job that often involves chemicals, which are dangerous for human (State the fact that your job involves dangerous chemicals, using present tense). I was not interested in risking my life in that situation,I left my job after nine month working for this company.

    However, after I left my job, things didnít go as I planned; and there was no body who understood how and why I left my job. The (only) tools that helped me express myself and tell my (side of the) story were my pen and paper. (through writing). (or you can write: Writing was the only way to express myself and my story.)

    Since I left my job (because of dangerous working condition: no need to explain the reason since you already did it above), I (was)expected to collect unemployment benefit while I was looking for another job. However my case was directing to the Hearing Committee; and (my case) it was turned over( I think you mean Turned down here, which mean being rejected). I was frustrated, I tried to appeal but my attorney decided not to work with me no matter how much evidence I brought.

    At this point, I didnít gave up; instead, I became stronger to present myself.( but as long as I know myself,)However, I was not good at talking. I then started putting my side of the story in words and providing enough evidence of the risk I had to take at that particular company. With that evidence, I appealed for a secondary hearing. I was told (I had ) that my evidence was not enough for a secondary hearing. Again, I started to write and put together (that) what happened while I was working at the company.I asked for another hearing and finally won my case.

    Thankfully, if I did not put my side of the story in words, I would have won the case. Iím glad I started writing. Writing helps me to express my self better than talking. When I write I think harder and I get to have the time to think of a word that expresses my self the best.

    Congratulation, it was the good story to hear. Like you, I find that writing help me explain myself clearer than talking. It is because when we write, we have more time to think and choose the words. Anyway, congratulation for your winning.

  3. #3
    Tes is offline Junior Member
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      • Amharic
      • Home Country:
      • Ethiopia
      • Current Location:
      • United States
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    Default Re: would you please correct or point out my writing. Thank you.

    Thank you so much for correcting my writing.

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