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Thread: Corrections

  1. #1
    beachboy's Avatar
    beachboy is offline Senior Member
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    Default Corrections

    I don´t know if this is the right forum to do it, but as it´s the first time, I´ll give it a try. Could anybody improve my lyrics?

    NO TRACE
    And when the time has come at last
    there will be no trace of past
    the first drops of daylight will fall from the sky
    and there will be no trace of lie
    There will be no sorrow
    over the world of tomorrow
    no reasons to despair
    just freedom in the air
    freedom to be free
    We´ll go on and on as far as the eye can see
    And when the flame of fire gives up burning
    we´ll have the whole time to turn in
    rest for the rest of our days
    the ashes will leave no trace
    Roses will bloom and grow
    through our veins the scent will flow
    beneath a shady tree
    We´ll go on and on as far as a rainbow can take you and me
    if we wipe off the tears
    manage to overcome our fears
    I wonder where the rainbow does begin
    This time will come like a winter snow
    and to the sea will the rivers flow
    there will be no regret
    no reasons to feel upset
    no reasons to find a reason
    We´ll go on and on as far as our mind can reach

  2. #2
    Abstract Idea is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Corrections

    Good job beachboy!

    I would suggest you post it in the poetry, prose and songs forum.

    Regarding the English I can't proofread it because our English levels are practically the same. As far as I see the English is perfect. Depending on the sonority I would suggest to use something like "I wonder where the rainbow could/would begin"
    or "I do wonder where the ... " or "I wonder where the (adjective) rainbow begin".
    But it is fine the way it is, this is just a suggestion.

    Have you already written the music too? Will you post here?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Corrections

    I can´t post the music, at least not here (can I?). Anyway, yes, I´ve written the music too, I usually write the music first, and then I try to come up with the lyrics. And it really takes time, I think it´s like the pregnancy and the birth of a child. But it´s rewarding. Thanks for your support!

  4. #4
    Abstract Idea is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Corrections

    Quote Originally Posted by beachboy View Post
    I can´t post the music, at least not here (can I?).
    Yes, you can. In the "additional options" for a post it is possible to attach files.

  5. #5
    beachboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Corrections

    Thanks a lot for your help, Gillnetter. I was very worried, among other things, about having to use trace in the plural, because it wouldn´t rhyme!

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