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  1. #1
    Macio is offline Newbie
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    Smile Semi-medical passages translations

    Hello everyone:),
    I am Maciej, I am polish by origin. Last month I have passed TOEFL with 95 pts. I could have done better if I have prepared myself for the exam, but honestly I reviewed one sample test just two days before the test day. Anyway, I really like to write and I would like to improve my writing skills with your professional help. I got a voluntary job recently and my task is to translate short passages on medical topics into english. I am not responsible for the meritorical value of articles, just for the translations. I would be delighted if you can help me with a piece of advice. I am really keen on learning proper english writing, including the syntax, idioms and collocations especially. I know I am making a lot of mistakes, the most with punctuation as in polish it's something completely different and I never received any professional feedback on it.

    Please see the first passage I have translated:

    Cleansing Mixture

    Cleansing Mixture is not a drug as such as it does not cure any diseases alone whereas firstly prevents them, and secondly develops conditions for the immune system so it can cure the existing illnesses itself. How is it possible? Well, as commonly known the cause of all diseases are toxins, above all those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal leakages erosions, i.e. invisible to the bare eye, only visible under a microscope during histopathology lesion of intestinal epithelium. And this is the foremost task of the Cleansing Mixture systematic erasing of the intestinal erosions.

    In the process of recovering, and prophylactically, the organism needs lots of vitamins and mineral salts. However, also with the sufficient supply in food common shortages of these nutrients occur. The reason for that is the absorption blockage and the main cause for this are residual deposits of the pathological mucus remaining in the alimentary canal. And this is the second task of the Cleansing Mixture systematic cleansing of the alimentary canal.

    Basically, this is all which we expect from the Cleansing mixture. We should leave everything else up to the one who, being equipped with the knowledge gathered during millions of years of evolution in genetic code comprised in DNA knows the best: our own body.
    It has nothing to do with marketing, so it should not sound like an add in any least bit. I appreciate any feedback. Please move this topic if I posted it in wrong section of the forum. I will answer all your questions asap:).

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Quote Originally Posted by Macio View Post
    Cleansing Mixture

    Cleansing Mixture is not a drug as such, as it does not cure any diseases by itself. What it does is, firstly, prevents them, and secondly, develops optimizes conditions for the immune system so it can cure the existing illnesses itself. How is this possible? Well, as commonly known, the cause of all many diseases are is toxins, above all, those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal leakages erosions,
    (You can't say "The cause of all disease is X, mostly those diseases which...." X is either the cause of all disease, or it isn't. This is a logical point, not medical.)
    i.e. defects invisible to the bare naked eye, visible only under a microscope during histopathological examination. y lesion of intestinal epithelium. And thisis the foremost task of the Cleansing Mixture the systematic erasing of the intestinal erosions.

    In the process of recovering, and prophylactically, the organism needs lots of vitamins and mineral salts. However, also with the sufficient supply in food common shortages of these nutrients occur. The reason for that is the absorption blockage and the main cause for this are residual deposits of the pathological mucus remaining in the alimentary canal. And this is the second task of the Cleansing Mixture systematic cleansing of the alimentary canal.

    Basically, this is all which we expect from the Cleansing mixture. We should leave everything else up to the one who, being equipped with the knowledge gathered during millions of years of evolution in genetic code comprised in DNA knows the best: our own body.
    This is absolute pseudo-scientific nonsense, and it's probably best left untranslated so only the Polish can be harmed by it.
    Anyhow, I've given you a few suggestions about the English.

    Oh, and welcome to the forum.

  3. #3
    Macio is offline Newbie
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Thank you Raymott. I really appreciate your language remarks:). As to scientific value, let's leave it aside - I do translate, no more.

    As to first passage:
    I have doubts as to word "optimizes". The meaning to convey is that the mixture creates / generates these conditions - maybe not from the scratch, but still.

    Well, as commonly known, the cause of all many diseases are is toxins, above all, those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal leakages erosions,
    (You can't say "The cause of all disease is X, mostly those diseases which...." X is either the cause of all disease, or it isn't. This is a logical point, not medical.)
    The words "above all, those which..." refer to "toxins", and not to "diseases". Don't you think that this is clear enough?


    Please, have a look at the passage no 2:
    Ingredients of Cleansing Mixture
    Cleansing mixture is made with three ingredients: absorption blocker (oil), erosions eraser (alocit an aqueous solution with aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract), and residual deposits solvent (lemon juice). Each ingredient has a specific task to fulfill:
    1. Oil easily associates with the mucus that covers the mucous membrane, so it blocks the absorption of remaining ingredients for about 30 mins starting just from the upper parts of the alimentary canal. This way it enables them to reach the large intestine.
    2. Oil does not associate with water so it does not cover the watery erosions but exposes them to the healing effect of alocit.
    3. Alocit is an aqueous solution of one of two agents known for theirs uncommon healing properties aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract, so it serves here to heal the erosions that exist in the mucous membrane of the alimentary canal and prevents new ones being formed.
    4. Lemon juice demonstrates perfect dissolving properties, therefore its task is to dissolve pathological mucus which covers the wall of small intestine, fecal stones in the large intestine and residues in the bile and pancreatic duct.
    Preparation of the Cleansing Mixture
    In the evening pour to the dark glass, porcelain or clay vessel in any order three ingredients:

    10 ml of oil + 10 ml of alocit + 10 ml of lemon juice

    Cover it and leave in the room temperature, e.g. on the windowsill or by the bed for your convenience. Drink in the morning on an empty stomach. Do not eat nor drink thereafter for at least 30 minutes and even better an hour - may be longer of course.
    Thank you for your help!

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Quote Originally Posted by Macio View Post
    Thank you Raymott. I really appreciate your language remarks:). As to scientific value, let's leave it aside - I do translate, no more.

    As to first passage:
    I have doubts as to word "optimizes". The meaning to convey is that the mixture creates / generates these conditions - maybe not from the scratch, but still.
    Yes certainly, if the immune system is not capable of dealing with illness at all, then "creates" might be better. But you see, this is partly why I'm having trouble correcting this. The subject matter can't be completely left aside - I need to decide whether the sentence is meant to communicate a strange concept, or whether you've made a error in translation.


    The words "above all, those which..." refer to "toxins", and not to "diseases". Don't you think that this is clear enough?
    Ah, I see. Yes, you could leave it as it was.

    Please, have a look at the passage no 2:

    Thank you for your help!
    Ingredients of Cleansing Mixture
    Cleansing Mixture is made with from three ingredients: absorption blocker (oil), erosions eraser (alocit an aqueous solution with aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract), and residual deposits solvent (lemon juice). Each ingredient has a specific task to fulfill:
    1. Oil easily associates mixes [?] with the mucus that covers the mucous membrane, so it blocks the absorption of the other two remaining ingredients starting just from the upper parts of the alimentary canal, until 30 minutes later when they reach the large intestine.
    [The alimentary canal begins at the mouth]
    2. Oil does not associate with water so it does not cover the watery erosions but exposes them to the healing effect of alocit.
    [Mucus is mainly water. If the oil associates easily with mucus in 1, it should associate easily with water in 2] Maybe "associate" is not the right word.]
    3. Alocit is an aqueous solution of one of two agents known for their uncommon healing properties aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract, so it serves here to heal the erosions that exist in the mucous membrane of the alimentary canal and prevents new ones being formed.
    4. Lemon juice demonstrates perfect dissolving properties, therefore its task is to dissolve pathological mucus which covers the wall of the small intestine, fecal stones in the large intestine and residues in the bile and pancreatic duct.

    Preparation of the Cleansing Mixture
    In the evening, pour the three ingredients into a dark glass, porcelain or clay vessel in any order:

    10 ml of oil + 10 ml of alocit + 10 ml of lemon juice

    Cover it and leave in the at room temperature, e.g. on the windowsill or by the bed for your convenience. Drink it in the morning on an empty stomach. Do not eat or drink after that for at least 30 minutes and even better an hour - maybe longer of course.

  5. #5
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Yes, you can't really call something as descriptive as "Cleansing Mixture" a proper noun, or even if you do, it still requires the article, like the Internet.

  6. #6
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Quote Originally Posted by konungursvia View Post
    Yes, you can't really call something as descriptive as "Cleansing Mixture" a proper noun, or even if you do, it still requires the article, like the Internet.
    I was assuming that was the brand name - Cleansing Mixture™. If so, it needs Capital letters. If not, the brand name should go there.
    Last edited by Raymott; 11-Oct-2010 at 05:40. Reason: Spelling

  7. #7
    birdeen's call is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    I was assuming that was the brand name - Cleansing Mixture.
    That'd be one catchy brand name...

  8. #8
    Macio is offline Newbie
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    And I stated in my first post:
    It has nothing to do with marketing, so it should not sound like an add in any least bit.

    Thank you for your answers, I will reply asap because I just came back from work and I am totally knacked. Going to sleep guys:).

  9. #9
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    My late dad once joked the magazine he edited should be called "Interesting Journal."

  10. #10
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Re: Semi-medical passages translations

    Quote Originally Posted by Macio View Post
    And I stated in my first post:



    Thank you for your answers, I will reply asap because I just came back from work and I am totally knacked. Going to sleep guys:).
    If you're referring to it as a generic cleansing mixture, you should write "the cleansing mixture".

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