Look at the way they use 'and. Theey just keep sticking things together, often withou8t much punctuation:
Sesame Street is really popular and there are lots of other programmes which I think are good and you can learn things from them.
Or this example:
And having discussions improves skills in school.
Here. it is not a sentence, just part of the previous sentence. Better co-ordination of clauses would improve their style a lot. Look at the way 'nevertheless' is used. They have tried 'nonetheless' for variety, but the structure is the same and they are using them to pile points on, which is wrong, certainly in the 'nonetheless' sentence.
Ideas are jumbled- 3 & 6 deal with swearing, so organisation could be worked on.
If the number reflect the paragraphs, then that's another area in need of work.