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  1. #1
    LilRobsta14 is offline Newbie
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    I need help with my essay. Can someone please revise it?

    This is a three page descriptive essay about my bedroom for my college english class.
    The professor wants us to limit the 'to be' verbs on our essay and to add descriptive words.



    Do you ever wonder why certain places mean so much to certain people? When I think of my bedroom, I realize why some people are picky and care about who goes in their room and who has been touching their things, it is because those things are important to them and may have some meaning. Places like my bedroom are places where we can relax and be comfortable and I think that is why it is important to people, because we can be ourselves and feel comfortable, we can also just sit down and rest our bodies and relax. Another important reason is we can go there when we want privacy; we can just shut our door, maybe even lock it, and tell everyone in our house not to bother us. Also our rooms hold most of our personal belongings and those things are important to us and we do not want anyone else to touch them or in some cases go near them. Our bedrooms are very important because we spend most of our time there and it expresses our diversity and individuality.

    Bedrooms are a place where we can be comfortable and we can sit back and relax. When we are tired or not feeling good we can go to our room, shut our door, and lie down and relax. Maybe even turn on some music or read a book or magazine. My bed is where I like to retreat to when I want to relax. I have a really comfortable double bed with four pillows. The cover on the bed is a beige color with blue and brown stripes. A lot of times I just lie down and close my eyes and daydream about places I'd like to see or think about things that make me happy. One thing we should not do is think about things we need to get done or anything that makes us feel stressed because then we'll never feel relaxed. I usually try to stay away from these sorts of thoughts and it usually works out well.

    The reason my bedroom is so important to me is because my room holds all of my personal belongings, which are very important to me. Also my room is a comfortable place to study or just to relax. I can also have privacy whenever I want it by resorting to my room, this may be hard for some people if they share a room. Whenever my mom is nagging at me or when I'm stressed out with school or work, I like to go into my room and just be myself and forget about the world. All my belongings in my room surround me and make me realize everything is going to be all right. It gives me a sense of security.

    The way my room is set up makes it kind of cluttered, but that is the way I like it and I don't care what anyone says. As you first come into my room, to the left is a T.V. stand with my television and PlayStation 3. This is the area where I have most fun in my room because I really like playing the PlayStation 3 when Iím bored and have nothing to do. Diagonally to the wall at the right from where you walk in is my closet. My closet is full of clothes like pants, shorts, jeans, jackets, shirts, t-shirts, and also other things like shoes, backpacks, soccer balls, footballs and basketballs. I like to keep the clothes in my closet organized; all the pants, shorts, and jeans are on the left side and the shirts, t-shirts, and jackets are on the right.

    Right in front of the closet, on the wall in front of the entrance door, is my bed. Beside my bed, to the right is my dresser. My dresser has five drawers and it is white. I put a lot of things in there but mostly itís just t-shirts. On top of my dresser I put my colognes, body cream, electric razor, iPod, and cell phone. To the left of my bed is a small area where I put my exercise equipment, such as a barbell, weights, gloves, and a device to do pushups. To the left of this area is a stand where I put my favorite shoes. I really love Air Jordan shoes and I currently have four pairs. I put them all neatly in the two top shelves with their boxes at the bottom. Everything in my room is worth keeping.

    I believe that other people feel the same way about their rooms and homes; it gives people a sense of security in a way that you can control what goes in your room and who goes in your room. It sort of gives people power which may mean a lot to some people. My room holds almost all of my personal belongings, which I think almost everybody's rooms do. I am sort of protective of the things in my room because a lot of my belongings have sentimental value. My most treasured items are my collection of money from different countries around the world and my Air Jordan shoes. I have a lot of different bills and coins from countries that range from Australia to Venezuela. It has taken me time to collect all that money and sometimes I even had to trade. If anything would ever happen to my collection money or my Air Jordan shoes I would be extremely upset and very furious. I am very picky on who touches these things.

    One thing I didnít mention is that in my closet, on the top section, I keep everything from old clothes to my childhood toys in some boxes. I have given most of my old clothes and some toys to my smaller cousins. I still have about two boxes filled with toys and Iím thinking about giving them away but every time I look at them it brings back memories of when I was a kid. I treasure all my belongings and do not like other people to move or to borrow without asking and I think that a lot of people feel the same way. When someone touches our things we get upset and I think in a way we are sort of honoring our possessions.

    What my point is that everybody has something or some place that is important to them and has meaning and a lot of times it is people's bedrooms and homes because it belongs to us and we cherish these places. Bedrooms are a place of comfort and in some cases a sense of security. It is a place of privacy when we need to be alone or just to sit down and take a load off our back. We can just be ourselves. So the next time someone gets touchy when you are handling their things just remember how much your things mean to you and how their stuff is important to them. Also don't forget that your bedroom is always there for you to relax, unwind, and maybe even just to look at to bring back memories from the past.

  2. #2
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    Raymott is online now VIP Member
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    Re: I need help with my essay. Can someone please revise it?

    Quote Originally Posted by LilRobsta14 View Post
    This is a three page descriptive essay about my bedroom for my college english class.
    The professor wants us to limit the 'to be' verbs on our essay and to add descriptive words.

    You have 29 cases of "is" and 13 of "are". I didn't go any further. You've failed.

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