Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Serbo-Croatian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    774
    Post Thanks / Like

    Please, could you proofread my text

    Please, could you proofread my text:

    Every morning I started my work around ten. I did almost everything: dishwashing, cleaning, chopping vegetables, making sauces end even baking pizzas. I could not say “no” to my boss who could easily find another worker, ready to perform the same job for even less money.

    When we closed around eleven in the evening, it was usually I who would mop the floor and clean the tables. Then I would wait for Abass to check my work and tell me that everything was all right before I could take off my apron and my sweaty clothes and take a shower in the narrow cubicle in the utility room. As soon as I lay down, I would fall into a deep sleep, too exhausted to think of my current existence.

    I saved every coin I earned to be able to hire my own flat, in the future. I did not waste any money on unnecessary things nor did I treat myself with clothes, music concerts or the cinema. Sometimes I would walk the streets and envy pairs of lovers who were holding hands and strolling insouciantly in their happiness while I could not even dream about to approach a girl and try to form a relationship.

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,505
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, could you proofread my text

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please, could you proofread my text:

    Every morning I started my work around ten. I did almost everything: dishwashing, cleaning, chopping vegetables, making sauces end even baking pizzas. I could not say “no” to my boss who could easily find another worker, ready to perform the same job for even less money.

    When we closed around eleven in the evening, it was usually I who would mop the floor and clean the tables. Then I would wait for Abass to check my work and tell me that everything was all right before I could take off my apron and my sweaty clothes and take a shower in the narrow cubicle in the utility room. As soon as I lay down, I would fall into a deep sleep, too exhausted to think of my current existence.

    I saved every coin I earned to be able to hire my own flat, in the future. I did not waste any money on unnecessary things nor did I treat myself with clothes, music concerts or the cinema. Sometimes I would walk the streets and envy pairs of lovers who were holding hands and strolling insouciantly in their happiness while I could not even dream about to approach a girl and try to form a relationship.
    Excellent narrative. Two points: In AmE one would "rent a flat", and you sent me to my dictionary for "insouciantly" but based on the definition and its context, it's fine, even though I would have gone with "nonchalantly".

Similar Threads

  1. Please, could you proofread my text
    By Bassim in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-Sep-2010, 07:40
  2. Please, could you proofread my text
    By Bassim in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-Sep-2010, 20:58
  3. Please, could you proofread my text
    By Bassim in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 28-Jul-2010, 18:43
  4. Could you proofread the text, please?
    By tzfujimino in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 18-May-2008, 19:40
  5. Please, would you proofread my text
    By Bassim in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 19-Mar-2008, 01:49

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •