Please, could you proofread my text

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Bassim

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Mar 1, 2008
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Please, could you proofread my text:

Every morning I started my work around ten. I did almost everything: dishwashing, cleaning, chopping vegetables, making sauces end even baking pizzas. I could not say “no” to my boss who could easily find another worker, ready to perform the same job for even less money.

When we closed around eleven in the evening, it was usually I who would mop the floor and clean the tables. Then I would wait for Abass to check my work and tell me that everything was all right before I could take off my apron and my sweaty clothes and take a shower in the narrow cubicle in the utility room. As soon as I lay down, I would fall into a deep sleep, too exhausted to think of my current existence.

I saved every coin I earned to be able to hire my own flat, in the future. I did not waste any money on unnecessary things nor did I treat myself with clothes, music concerts or the cinema. Sometimes I would walk the streets and envy pairs of lovers who were holding hands and strolling insouciantly in their happiness while I could not even dream about to approach a girl and try to form a relationship.
 

billmcd

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Mar 27, 2009
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English Teacher
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English
Home Country
United States
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Please, could you proofread my text:

Every morning I started my work around ten. I did almost everything: dishwashing, cleaning, chopping vegetables, making sauces end even baking pizzas. I could not say “no” to my boss who could easily find another worker, ready to perform the same job for even less money.

When we closed around eleven in the evening, it was usually I who would mop the floor and clean the tables. Then I would wait for Abass to check my work and tell me that everything was all right before I could take off my apron and my sweaty clothes and take a shower in the narrow cubicle in the utility room. As soon as I lay down, I would fall into a deep sleep, too exhausted to think of my current existence.

I saved every coin I earned to be able to hire my own flat, in the future. I did not waste any money on unnecessary things nor did I treat myself with clothes, music concerts or the cinema. Sometimes I would walk the streets and envy pairs of lovers who were holding hands and strolling insouciantly in their happiness while I could not even dream about to approach a girl and try to form a relationship.

Excellent narrative. Two points: In AmE one would "rent a flat", and you sent me to my dictionary for "insouciantly" but based on the definition and its context, it's fine, even though I would have gone with "nonchalantly".
 
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