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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Please, could you correct my mistakes

    Please could you correct my text. These are the thoughts which simply appeared in my mind and I had to write them down.

    I walk the streets of the city on a warm summer Saturday evening, making my way through the throngs of tipsy men and women who seem to be in a state of ecstasy, asking myself why I could not be one of them. What prevents me to relax, forget myself and enjoy company of my fellow human beings who are at least this evening open and talkative and willing to share their joys and worries with anyone? I have always walked like an outsider, a ghost whom nobody would even notice, a stranger even in my own hometown.

    It is a heavy burden to carry, like a runner who wants to participate in a marathon, but despite his strong will and determination, he soon understands that his body cannot execute the wish of his mind. I am writhing in my own powerlessness and I am well aware that nobody can help me, not even the most kind and nicest people in the world. Those who have already tried have simply given up, understanding that their minds could not comprehend something which is beyond reality.

    I would watch their eyes widening, their mouths opening in awe and than, they would run away as if someone was chasing after them and I never tried to stop them, knowing that if I were in their state of mind I would certainly behaved in the same way, an irrational fear gripping my being. Later if I met them in the street, I could recognize their fear from a distance and I pretended not to notice when they changed their direction or turned around and disappeared from my view.

    After those upsetting situations I have decided to keep my problems inside me and limit my contact with my fellow human beings at a minimum and not risking a misunderstanding any more. That was one of the most difficult decisions in my life, especially in this university city where streets are overcrowded with young beautiful students in their thousands who seem to wear mostly tight fitting clothes and short skirt even in the coldest winter. Unfortunately I had to make a choice and as a man with high moral standards, I think that it would be completely irresponsible from my part to approach any young person and trouble them with my existential condition.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Please, could you correct my mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please could you correct my text. These are the thoughts which simply appeared in my mind and I had to write them down.

    I walk the streets of the city on a warm summer Saturday evening, making my way through the throngs of tipsy men and women who seem to be in a state of ecstasy, asking myself why I could not be one of them. What prevents me from relaxing, forget myself and enjoy company of my fellow human beings who are at least this evening open and talkative and willing to share their joys and worries with anyone? I have always walked like an outsider, a ghost whom nobody would even notice, a stranger even in my own hometown.

    It is a heavy burden to carry, like a runner who wants to participate in a marathon, but despite his strong will and determination, he soon understands that his body cannot execute the wish of his mind. I am writhing in my own powerlessness and I am well aware that nobody can help me, not even the most kind and nicest people in the world. Those who have already tried have simply given up, understanding that their minds could not comprehend something which is beyond reality.
    " ... could not comprehend something which is beyond their reality" maybe, unless you are asserting that your condition is actually "beyond reality", which is unlikely.

    I would watch their eyes widening, their mouths opening in awe and then, they would run away as if someone was chasing after them and I never tried to stop them, knowing that if I were in their state of mind I would certainly behave ['would behave', or 'would have behaved] in the same way, an irrational fear gripping my being. Later if I met them in the street, I could recognize their fear from a distance and I pretended not to notice when they changed their direction or turned around and disappeared from my view.

    After those upsetting situations I have decided to keep my problems inside me and limit my contact with my fellow human beings to a minimum and not risking a misunderstanding any more. That was one of the most difficult decisions in my life, especially in this university city where streets are overcrowded with young beautiful students in their thousands who seem to wear mostly tight fitting clothes and short skirts even in the coldest winter. Unfortunately I had to make a choice and as a man with high moral standards, I think that it would be completely irresponsible on my part to approach any young person and trouble them with my existential condition.
    Pretty good so far!

  3. #3
    seess is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please, could you correct my mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please could you correct my text. These are the thoughts which simply appeared in my mind and I had to write them down.

    I walk the streets of the city on a warm summer Saturday evening, making my way through the throngs of tipsy men and women who see to be in a state of ecstasy, asking myself why I could not be one of them. What prevents me to relax, forget myself and enjoy company of my fellow human beings who are at least this evening open and talkative and willing to share their joys and worries with anyone? I have always walked like an outsider, a ghost whom nobody would even notice, a stranger even in my own hometown.
    I think you should say “I walk on the streets”

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Please, could you correct my mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by seess View Post
    I think you should say “I walk on the streets”
    "I walk the streets" is the correct colloquial phrase.

  5. #5
    merlin.dayana is offline Newbie
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    I appreciate the concern which is been rose. The things need to be sorted out because it is about the individual but it can be with everyone. I like this particular article It gives me an additional input on the information around the world Thanks a lot and keep going with posting such information.
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