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  1. #1
    anonymous03 is offline Newbie
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    Default please edit this for me :)

    I am currently a full time student at _____ University as a Health Science major. Because I am a commuter student, I donít get the opportunity to be on campus as much as residents do. When I am not studying or doing schoolwork, I spend time with the Pre-Medical Society. As an active member, I attend all of the meetings and also get involved in outreach events. These outreach events include blood drives, cancer walks, volunteering, basket making for the homeless, and preparing food for the ill. Around May of 2010 I began volunteering at _____ University Medical Center. During the summer I was able to devote more time to volunteering, but now I use my spare time on Friday afternoons. Currently I am volunteering in the Mother and Baby unit, and I love every minute of it. My tasks vary day to day with whatever the nurses need help with. Standard tasks include making beds, distributing ice, water, magazines, etc; helping clinical assistants with stocking supplies, assisting nursing station clerk with making admission charts, stocking bassinets, stocking nursery, and filing papers. Volunteering, and helping people out, is my greatest pleasure; it takes my mind off of the stress in my life.
    Ever since I came to ______, I have learned how to manage my time a lot better. This has a lot to do with the fact that as a commuter student, time is very limited. If I am granted readmission to ______, I will use these new time management skills to my advantage. I know that as a resident, I will be able to become more actively involved throughout the university community.

    **blanks are to keep this anonymous :) sorry if it confuses you

  2. #2
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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      • Retired English Teacher
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    Default Re: please edit this for me :)

    Welcome to the board, anonymous.

    There's not much to correct here. I've just removed some repetition and split up your work to give the eye some relief from that solid block of text.

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous03 View Post

    I am currently a full time student at _____ University as a Health Science major. Because I am a commuter student, I don’t get the opportunity to be on campus as much as residents do. When I am not studying or doing schoolwork, I spend time with the Pre-Medical Society. As an active member, I attend all of the meetings and also get involved in outreach events, which include blood drives, cancer walks, volunteering, basket making for the homeless, and preparing food for the ill (I would say '...for the sick').

    Around May 2010 I began volunteering at _____ University Medical Center. During the summer I was able to devote more time to this, but now I use my spare time on Friday afternoons. Currently I work in the Mother and Baby unit, and I love every minute of it. My tasks vary from day to day with whatever the nurses need help with. Standard tasks include making beds, distributing ice, water, magazines, etc; helping clinical assistants with stocking supplies, assisting nursing station clerks with making admission charts, stocking bassinets, stocking the nursery, and filing papers. Volunteering, and helping people out, is my greatest pleasure; it takes my mind off of the stress in my life.

    Ever since I came to ______, I have learned how to manage my time a lot better. This has a lot to do with the fact that as a commuter student, time is very limited. If I am granted readmission to ______, I will use these new time-management skills to my advantage. I know that as a resident, I will be able to become more actively involved throughout the university community.
    Good luck,

    Rover

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