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  1. #1
    smaila's Avatar
    smaila is offline Junior Member
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    Default A lilmited world..:) "my story"

    Hi,,a limited world is a story about technology addictives ,,: ) please read it give me your opinion,,and ifyou found something wrong just correct it,,:) and thanks alot,,:D

    TV, computers, facebook, msn, And between all of these was the
    little Arnold sitting annoyed from his mother calling him for breakfast “I’m coming mum” said Arnold while he was on the stairs, he got into the kitchen the family was sitting around the table having some toasts with butter and honey, they all had breakfast then Arnold and Amy his little sister took their school bags and went to the father’s car. When they came back Arnold rushed into his room, changed and started playing video games, his mother came into his room and said “Arnold its Thursday” “So what?” said Arnold even though he knew what she was talking about “Arnold we go every Thursday to the park and you haven’t ever come with us” “MUM I’M NOT GOING” “ARNOLD THIS TIME I’LL REALLY BE UPSET IF U DON’T JOIN US” “MUM PLEASE” Arnold said. But he was too late because she wasn’t in the room anymore. Arnold was determined that he’s not going so he decided to sleep. When he woke up nobody was home but his mother’s grandma she didn’t go because she was tired. Arnold stayed in his room surfing the net and calling his friends. Suddenly, the lights went out. “NO NO PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME UGHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S WHY I ASKED DAD TO GET ME A LAPTOP” “Arnold come down please I can’t see anything” Arnold took his mobile phone and went down to his grandma, she was lying on her bed, she said “I hate darkness it gives me a bad feeling” there was a pause of silence, then the grandma came up with an idea “ How about telling you a story I loved stories when I was in your age” he accepted though he wasn’t really interested in the idea but he pretended to be glad about it because he remembered when his father told him that the biggest mistake he would make in his life is disappointing his grandma . But he was intending to text his friends while she was telling the story. The grandma started “Once upon a time a girl called Laura lived with her parents in a small but beautiful cottage’’ OH MAN’’ Arnold interrupted, his mobile buttery was empty and now there was nothing to do but listening to the story. The grandma continued ‘’her father was a fisher and once he asked her to go fishing with him she was really excited she slept so early because she had to wake up very early to go with her father she didn’t have an alarm clock. The next morning she woke up at five got dressed and went to the kitchen to eat something but there was nothing but some apples and bananas she took an apple, she loved apples very much they were so tasty, sweet, and have some sourness, she ate the apple and went out to wait for her father, they went fishing, and when they came back the mother took the fish and went to cook them. Laura went out to play with her friends when the fish was ready the mother called Laura and her friends to have lunch, it was so delicious. After lunch Laura asked her father to buy a new jacket for her because the winter was coming, so they walked to the tailor. It took the jacket two weeks to be ready for Laura to wear. This girl was very happy and pleased in her life even though it was very simple and she didn’t have TV or Computer and she wasn’t even expecting that she is going to see such things she also wasn’t expecting that she’s going to see her daughter’s grandson sitting playing with his mobile phone pretending that he’s listening to her story ‘’Arnold smiled a smile of guilt ‘’That was your life story’’ he said. The grandma nodded. In that moment the family went back home, the mother was very shocked when she saw Arnold sitting in the living room with his grandma ‘’ Arnold, Arnold, what are you doing down here anything wrong with your room’’ ‘’ No mum but I was sitting with grandma she was telling me a story,,, The lights are back grandma we didn’t noticed your story was really interesting ‘’ The mother knew that Arnold would be very hungry now because he hadn’t have lunch she asked him what did he want to eat ‘’ I want an apple’’ ‘’What’s on earth?? First you were sitting with your grandma and now you want an apple!! But I’m so sorry because apples hadn’t been in our home for two years I’ll ask your father to go and buy some just wait a minute ’’ Arnold said it’s okay because he felt like walking he went out to the street felt the cool air in his skin and was very excited to taste the apple he wasn’t thinking about his room and his technology stuff anymore he believed that life would be much happier when everything is simple.
    Last edited by smaila; 07-Nov-2010 at 09:53. Reason: changing the font

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: A lilmited world..:) "my story"

    Before anything else, it needs dividing into paragraphs; it's too long a chink of text to be easy to read.

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