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    #1

    please review my commonapp essay

    Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, describe that influence.

    Throughout my life so far, I have met people who have influenced me in different ways, both positively and negatively, but the person who has had the most influence in my life is Mr. Smith, my ICT teacher in high school. He was a very nice person; he was always concerned about the welfare of others, a very good leader, humble, honest, and a wonderful team player.
    During my first year of senior secondary school, I was not the brightest student in class although I definitely was above average. One day after I had finished my work during my ICT class, my friend and I decided to make the class a little livelier. Mr. Smith didn’t like what was happening so he scolded me and then I decided to answer back because I felt I wasn't the only one talking. Mr. Smith didn’t get angry; rather he called me aside after class to talk to me. Then he said he called me because he was concerned about me, and also because I had a rare talent; however, if maximized to its full potential, I would really make it in life, and I would be able to help people. Sharing with me some of his previous experiences< he urged me to take a different course of action. . From that moment on, I listened to his advice, and I always kept on going to him when I needed help
    As time went on, I visited Mr. Smith on a regular basis. He taught me more about computers, he also advised me on the kind on friend I should have; he told me about difficulties in both high school and college in other not to make the same mistakes he made
    Life is full of the unexpected, it seldom turns out the way one plans it. It often astonishes us with exciting prospects, but sooner or later, reality sets in. Mr. Smith never imagined he was going to turn out to be a teacher, but when the unexpected happened he adapted. Whenever the nadir of any situation occurs I will know how to quickly adapt because of Mr. Smiths advice. He may not be an Olympic athlete, or the world’s best doctor, but Mr. Smith is definitely my hero, he made me set goals, and also made me realize I can do anything. This is why I am applying to Northwestern, because I know that it is a great institution capable of helping me achieve my full potential, through their different diverse courses.

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    #2

    Re: please review my commonapp essay

    That's very good, tobioleye.

    Only a few corrections are needed.

    Note the advantage of double-spacing at the end of your paragraphs, to break up that solid mass of text.

    Throughout my life so far, I have met people who have influenced me in different ways, both positively and negatively, but the person who has had the most influence in my life is Mr. Smith, my ICT teacher in high school. He was a very nice person; he was always concerned about the welfare of others, a very good leader, humble, honest, and a wonderful team player.

    During my first year of senior secondary school, I was not the brightest student in class although I definitely was above average. One day after I had finished my work during my ICT class, my friend and I decided to make the class a little livelier. Mr. Smith didn’t like what was happening so he scolded me and then I decided to answer back because I felt I wasn't the only one talking. Mr. Smith didn’t get angry; rather he called me aside after class to talk to me. Then He said he had called me back because he was concerned about me, and also because I had a rare talent, which, if maximized to its full potential, would enable me to make it in life, and I would be able to help people. Sharing with me some of his previous experiences, he urged me to take a different course of action. From that moment on, I listened to his advice, and I always kept on going to him when I needed help.

    As time went on, I visited Mr. Smith on a regular basis. He taught me more about computers and advised me on the kind on friend I should have. He told me about difficulties in both high school and college in other not to make the same mistakes he had made.
    Life is full of the unexpected; it seldom turns out the way one plans it. It often astonishes us with exciting prospects, but sooner or later reality sets in. Mr. Smith never imagined he was going to turn out to be a teacher, but when the unexpected happened he adapted. Whenever the nadir of any situation occurs I will know how to quickly adapt because of Mr. Smith's advice. He may not be an Olympic athlete, or the world’s best doctor, but Mr. Smith is definitely my hero. He made me set goals, and also made me realize I can do anything. This is why I am applying to Northwestern, because I know that it is a great institution capable of helping me achieve my full potential, through their different diverse courses.
    Rover

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