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      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Serbo-Croatian
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      • Bosnia Herzegovina
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    #1

    Please, could you proofread my poem

    QUESTIONS

    What am I doing here in this cold country,
    surrounded by these distant people constantly complaining
    about immigrants and high taxes?

    Why am I wasting my life in this open prison without guards,
    looking for love which does not exist?

    Why am I still alive fighting the battle already lost,
    hurting myself again and again?

    My mind wrestles with a myriad of questions,
    but who can give me answers?
    The frozen snow crunching under my boots, the path shrouded in mist,
    or a large crow shrieking above me and disappearing in the grey horizon?

  1. 5jj's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic

    • Join Date: Oct 2010
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    #2

    Re: Please, could you proofread my poem

    From the point of view of grammar, it's fine.

    Things normally disappear over the horizon, but I think in works in your poem.

    I have not commented on the quality of your writing as a poet. This does not imply anything negative. It's simply that I know something about grammar; I know almost nothing about poetry.

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