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  1. #1
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Question Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    "Connections"

    You may have an influential friend or supporter in order to accept you as a teacher in an entrance exam for a language institute. Being not qualified, you suddenly jump into the class in which you are a teacher with a lot of naughty students. Teaching is a kind of delicate job, so with having no experience you face a number of problems such as receiving sneers from the students who have more knowledge than you. They have taken most time in the language institutes and met teachers who specialized in teaching the language which you start teaching now. How much can your connector give you assistance while you are teaching? How can he save you from injuring your prestige? Which one you select? Wrong connectors or real friends?
    Last edited by Ever Student; 15-Nov-2010 at 12:54.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ever Student View Post
    "Connections"

    You may have an influential friend or supporter in order who accepts you as a teacher in an entrance exam for a language institute.
    I'm not sure what you mean by "being accepted in an entrance exam as a teacher". Do you mean "... who accepts you as a teacher on the basis of your results in the entrance exam"?
    Being unqualified, you suddenly jump into the class in which you are as the teacher, with a lot of naughty students. Teaching is a delicate [kind of] job so, with having no experience, you face a number of problems, such as receiving sneers from the students who have more knowledge than you. They have taken most spent more time in the language institutes and met teachers who specialized in teaching the language which you are starting to teach now. How much assistance can your connector mentor give you assistance while you are teaching? How can he save you from injuring your prestige? Which one do you select? Wrong connectors mentors or real friends?
    'Mentor' might not be the correct word, but 'connector' certainly isn't.
    "Patron' might work. Or 'supporter'.

  3. #3
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    'Mentor' might not be the correct word, but 'connector' certainly isn't.
    "Patron' might work. Or 'supporter'.
    Hi,
    Yes, whereas I didn't get a good result.
    Last edited by Ever Student; 16-Nov-2010 at 10:44.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    I would like to reduce the informality of the sentences above. Could you please give me some assistance?

    Supporters

    Supporters may select someone who has little knowledge as a teacher in a language institute. Being unqualified, one suddenly encounters a big class, with a lot of clever students. Those have learned the language for many years, and know it more than the new teacher. Their previous teachers have given them a large number of lessons, on the other hand, the present one has no or little new knowledge. Obviously, the supporters are the only ones responsible for their wrong action; therefore, this enlarged problem needs solving within a long-term process.
    Last edited by Ever Student; 17-Nov-2010 at 07:12.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ever Student View Post
    I would like to reduce the informality of the sentences above. Could you please give me some assistance?

    Supporters

    Supporters may select someone who has little knowledge as a teacher in a language institute. Being unqualified, one suddenly encounters a big class, with a lot of clever students. Those have learned the language for many years, and know it more than the new teacher. Their previous teachers have given them a large number of lessons, on the other hand, the present one has no or little new knowledge. Obviously, the supporters are the only ones responsible for their wrong action; therefore, this enlarged problem needs solving within a long-term process.
    Hi Ever,
    Why are you saying that the supporter is the only one with responsibility for this state of affairs? Surely the person who takes the job knowing they are unqualified for it and will be subject to criticism for incompetence must take some responsibility.
    Would you take out someone's appendix if a kind delusional supporter of yours gave you permission, and then blame the supporter when the patient died?
    Last edited by Raymott; 18-Nov-2010 at 10:11. Reason: Insert 'with'

  6. #6
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    Hi Ever,
    Why are you saying that the supporter is the only one responsibility for this state of affairs? Surely the person who takes the job knowing they are unqualified for it and will be subject to criticism for incompetence must take some responsibility.
    Would you take out someone's appendix if a kind delusional supporter of yours gave you permission, and then blame the supporter when the patient died?
    Hi Ray,

    Thanks for your reading.

    I would like to know if my paragraph follows both formal and correct rules and am grateful it if no body asks me about my ideas. Sorry, I am not in the mood.....

    Best regards
    Ever Student

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ever Student View Post
    Hi Ray,

    Thanks for your reading.

    I would like to know if my paragraph follows both formal and correct rules and am grateful it if no body asks me about my ideas. Sorry, I am not in the mood.....

    Best regards
    Ever Student
    I doubt if Ray is any more, after he gave up his time in an effort to help you.

  8. #8
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Why?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ever Student View Post
    Why?
    Moods are funny things. But you're right. You did not ask for my opinion on the content of your paragraph, and you have the right to wait until someone wants to give a dispassionate, and disinterested correction of your English.
    Last edited by Raymott; 19-Nov-2010 at 15:45.

  10. #10
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can anyone kindly help me edit my paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    Moods are funny things. But you're right. You did not ask for my opinion on the content of your paragraph, and you have the right to wait until someone wants to give a dispassionate, and disinterested correction of your English.
    Thanks for your patience,

    Wouldn'tyou like to give me some assistance if my paragraph is formal and gramatically correct?

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