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Thread: A short passage

  1. #1
    motico is offline Member
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    Default A short passage

    In this passage the author is comparing a discussion about a political solution to a commercial transaction. Please, tell me if it is grammatically correct. Thanks.

    Discussion about this political solution under such suggested terms could be compared to conducting negotiations in which both parties negotiate all the transaction's details whether they are: price, number of payments, timetable of payments etc., without reaching a prior agreement on whether the transaction in question is a sale or a rental transaction. Assuming that the transaction is a sale, the seller will have no rights on the asset after it is sold whereas in a rental transaction the landlord is expected and entitled to assert ownership of the asset in the future.

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    Default Re: A short passage

    Quote Originally Posted by motico View Post
    In this passage the author is comparing a discussion about a political solution to a commercial transaction. Please, tell me if it is grammatically correct. Thanks.

    Discussion about this political solution under such suggested terms could be compared to conducting negotiations in which both parties negotiate all the transaction's details whether they are: price, number of payments, timetable of payments etc., without reaching a prior agreement on whether the transaction in question is a sale or a rental transaction. Assuming that the transaction is a sale, the seller will have no rights on the asset after it is sold whereas in a rental transaction the landlord is expected and entitled to assert ownership of the asset in the future.
    Ouch!

    That is one of the commercial/legal types of English that we linguists hate, but which appears perfectly comprehensible to those who write it and those for whom it is written. Personally, I would re-write the whole thing, but that's not what you asked for. It seems to me to be grammatically correct, though I would prefer concern in place of the are I have underlined.

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    Default Re: A short passage

    Additionally, the colon is grammatically incorrect. Just delete it.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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