***** A NON-TEACHER'S OPINION *****
(1) You have written a very nice letter.
(2) I respectfully suggest that you wait until the end before you tell
them about your dream to work at the Palace. It is more "dramatic"
(3) In the United States, no one starts a letter anymore with "Dear
Sir or Madam." Do they still use that term in your country? Or is there
some other respectful greeting that you can use?
(4) I would respectfully suggest something like:
I have just left school with 8 qualifications, including a GCSE in
Hospitality at Grade B. I am currently studying towards a
diploma in Hospitality Management as well as an NVQ in
Food and Service Drink. [It is not necessary to tell them where
you are studying -- unless it is a famous school with a wonderful
reputation that would impress the person reading your letter.]
I aspire to become a footman or butler, with a dream of one
day working at Buckingham Palace. I should very much appreciate
any advice that you could give me on how to enter this field.
James, I wish you the best of luck. I hope that one day you will indeed
have the honor of working at the Palace.