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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Japanese
      • Home Country:
      • Japan
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2010
    • Posts: 8
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    #1

    Post I really need your help for my application essay!

    Please help me with my grammar! English is my second language so I really need help. Thank you!


    A gap year; many people think it is an erroneous idea to do. However, Iím proud to say that my gap year was the most educational, valuable and memorable in 19 years of my life. Life is long but we can only have it once. I am not regretting the decisions I made and I never felt proud this much of myself. I want to pursue my dreams like my classmates but I took a different road and I landed on a place called Baker&McKenzie where I actually began to strive my dreams. The people I worked with were all adults; they were educated and experienced but I did not have any of them so there were countless things that I have learnt and felt such as essence of diversity and communication. I believe that they are things that people can never absorb at school. I can say that my gap year broaden my perspectives and helped me to grow up as a person.
    When I decided to take a gap year, I went to see my old family friend, who is a CEO of Credit Suisse Japan by chance. That was when I first realized the significance of communication. Then it motivated me to see more people such as CEO of Wipro Japan, and a lawyer of Baker&Mckenzie. They were graduated from International schools in Tokyo like myself and I was so amazed how their student life was similar to mine and reached to their position now. Finally all those connections guided me to land where I can seek one of my dreams. I am working in the Business Development/ Marketing department at an International law firm, Baker&Mckenzie in Tokyo. I attend seminars that were held by lawyers to learn real business and communication skills from their legal business experiences. I also once had a opportunity to work with a automobile company called, Tesla Motors. I assimilated countless things from both firms such as communication skills, time and connection importance. I met so many educated people but I think attending to good schools are not the most important but experiencing and meeting new people are the best way to educate yourself so I believe it is important to decide where you want to go, not by their ranks. Both firms encouraged me to strive hard for my dream; Law and Marketing.
    I am clearly sure that I became more sophisticated and smart in various way during my gap year. If i did not taken a gap year, I would have gotten the chance to experience and learn things from amazing people. I am proud to say that it is the most memorable accomplishment, contribution and experience in 19 years of my life.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England

    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 16,066
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    #2

    Re: I really need your help for my application essay!

    A gap year. . . many people think it is a bad idea. However, I’m proud to say that my gap year was the most educational, valuable and memorable in the 19 years of my life.

    Life is long but we can only live it once. I am not regretting the decisions I made and I never felt so proud of myself. I want to pursue my dreams like my classmates but I took a different road and I landed on a place called Baker & McKenzie where I actually began to live out my dreams. The people I worked with were all adults; they were educated and experienced but I was neither so there were countless things that I have learnt and felt such an essence of diversity and communication. I believe that they are things that people can never absorb at school. I can say that my gap year broadened my perspectives and helped me to grow up as a person.

    When I decided to take a gap year, I went to see my old family friend, who is by chance a CEO of Credit Suisse Japan. That was when I first realized the significance of communication. Then it motivated me to see more people such as the CEO of Wipro Japan, and a lawyer of Baker & Mckenzie. They were graduates of international schools in Tokyo like myself and I was so amazed how their student life was similar to mine and how they had reached their present positions.

    Finally all those connections guided me to land where I can fulfil one of my dreams. I am working in the Business Development/ Marketing department at an International law firm, Baker & Mckenzie in Tokyo. I attend seminars that were held by lawyers to learn real business and communication skills from their legal business experiences. I also once had an opportunity to work with an automobile company called Tesla Motors. I assimilated countless things from both firms such as communication skills, time and connection importance.

    I met so many educated people but I think attending to good schools is not the most important but experiencing and meeting new people is the best way to educate yourself so I believe it is important to decide where you want to go, not by their ranks. Both firms encouraged me to strive hard for my dream: Law and Marketing.

    I am quite sure that I became more sophisticated and smart in various ways during my gap year. If I had not taken a gap year, I would not have had the chance to experience and learn things from amazing people.

    I am proud to say that it is the most memorable accomplishment, contribution and experience in 19 years of my life.

  1. 5jj's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic

    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 28,167
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    #3

    Re: I really need your help for my application essay!

    leia,

    You have posted this three times.

    If members are able to answer you, and if they have the time and interest, they will do so.

    Unfortunately it may be that nobody responds. This happens. The people who answer questions on this forum are volunteers; they give up their time to help as many people as they can.

    Please do not clog up the system by re-posting.

    I have also noticed that on one of your posts you mentioned that this essay was part of an application. You were told then that we cannot help with applications.

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